Women prefer geeks over jocks? WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT IT?!

[i_like_1981]

Would it be awkward to ask if any of you are married/dating someone? I'm just curious to know who's actually in a relationship. I'm not dating anyone at the moment, unfortunately ):

I'm single as well. And I doubt this shall be changing in the foreseeable future.
I know the article says women like a geek, but they want one with good confidence and who DOESN'T live in the past. Those are two things I just can't live up to.
I'm sure you won't have trouble finding somebody though. Looking at your posts you seem to me like the guy in the middle of the social spectrum, not quite at the jock's level of prestige and popularity but enough to make some people envious.
Sadly there will always be people at the bottom of the social hierarchy and they've got to find ways of not letting it get to them.

Best regards,
i_like_1981

[Safety]

I'm sorry, and thank you.

[Earl]

Nope, I'm in not in a relationship. And to be honest, I have no clue whether or not any girls want to be in a relationship because I rarely ask a girl out due to a low confidence level that I blame on years of physical and verbal abuse by jocks. It's simply not something I can overcome, I simply have little self confidence and it is because of assholes that I've had to deal with for a long time and the messed up social system of children and adolescents. See that Nick? Psychological abuse actually can damage a person, wow, what a surprise!

I know how you feel, HugeFan. Aside from going on a blind date once during my senior year, I never dated in high school. Yet seven years later I met a gal who was better than any of the girls I knew in high school (far better than any of the social climbers, that's for sure ); and we've been happily married for over 30 years.

I know exactly how you feel about having little self-confidence. Believe me, I'm very sympathetic. I had the same experience. The teenage years are not the best time of your life. My high-school years were lousy. I wasn't even making good grades, as you are doing now. But I believe there may be something you can do to gain self-confidence. (Some of you, no doubt, are already guessing what I'm about to say; but, believe me, I mean well.) Have you considered bodybuilding? (Yeah, guys, I know. Surprise, surprise. ) I'm serious. I've been working out for about two years. I've received a psychological boost knowing that I've got strength in my chest and "core" that I never had before, and it's just the beginning. If I had started bodybuilding when I was a teenager, I would have been a lot better off from having a lot of self-confidence. Many bullies seem to target those who lack self-confidence. (I'm definitely not blaming the victim here, which is something I abhor. Those who would bully have free will whether to bully or not. Bullies choose to do wrong, and they know it. There is such a thing as just leaving someone alone.) But in my case when I was a teenager, if I had had more self-confidence, much of the bullying would have ceased.

If bodybuilding doesn't appeal to you, perhaps learning a martial art such as judo or karate would help. But if you choose to learn a martial art, be sure you get an instructor whose philosophy is decent, as opposed to the judo instructor to whom I was sent by the incompetent psychologist I started seeing when I was in junior high.

I'm not trying to be macho here. I hate machismo (properly defined) with every fiber of my being. I just wanted to be helpful because I do care. Many men go into bodybuilding or one of the martial arts because they were bullied. Ray, our site Admin, recently corresponded with a bodybuilder who had written several books on bodybuilding. He told Ray that he had no use for sports. I'm only making suggestions. Just ask yourself if there is anything that you could learn to do that would increase your self-confidence. Don't be discouraged. You've got your whole life ahead of you.

There's something else I should tell you: There are a lot of young women who are not overly impressed by "jocks." (My future wife wasn't when I first met her; and neither of our daughters is today, which doesn't mean that they don't respect others.) You just need to know where to find them.

[HugeFanOfBadReligion]

Thanks for the sympathy Earl.

Yes, I have considered working out, and in fact, towards the end of last school year, I began going to the school's weight room occasionally with some friends. However it can be difficult for me to manage sometimes because it can be difficult to find the time while busy with school work. In the school year that is starting next week, as I have mentioned before, I am taking IB classes (more advanced classes with more work to do and higher expectations basically). In grade 9 and 10, the IB classes are just known as "Pre IB" because in these years, the curriculum is basically the same as the "academic" courses I described in other posts (as opposed to "applied" courses), however there is a lot more work assigned, you basically spend your breaks at the library doing school work every day, and you are expected to get grades in the high 90's (in percentage). So it may be difficult to go to the school's weight room while being occupied this much, and I must be willing to also have most of my life focused on academics instead of social pursuits or leisure to meet the expectations of these courses. However if time permits, I will attempt to make efforts to go to the weight room.

[i_like_1981]

You might benefit more from going to the gym when there are no steroid munching scumbags in there who would criticise your achievements. Perhaps find a gym in your area that is open on weekends and go there then if you want to improve your physical strength. I go weekly on a Monday evening (thankfully my gym was open tonight even on a bank holiday - I guess it is deemed too valuable to the public to be closed ) and it does do me good. I have to say, after an hour or so at the gym doing some of the exercises on their machines, I return to my flat with a higher sense of confidence and self-respect, and I don't tend to get so depressed and self-pitying as I do on some nights when I've just sat round the flat for hours on end. And it's excellent, because it feels completely different to my old PE classes when people felt they had to conform to and meet others' expectations for fear of being humiliated. There is no pressure on you, except the pressure you choose to put on yourself. I am speaking from the standpoint of someone who finished high school over a decade ago and who doesn't have the pressures of bullies or jocks to affect him anymore, but to go on a weekend when there is no PE lesson on and you can go at your own pace offers more of a sense of freedom and you may even like it. If you want to go, HugeFanOfBadReligion, and it is possible for you, visit a local gym on a weekend. See what they can do for you.

Best regards,
i_like_1981

[The Imperialist]

Gah. Men's obsession with the opposite sex. I spit upon it.

What matters most is LOYALTY! Once you are committed, keep to it. People are losing loyalty, the sense of loyalty. It makes me sad, and angry.

And I hate gyms because you can do something similar in your own house with a bit of improvisation. (And practicing martial art moves is exerting enough already, and having bulging muscles is actually counter productive when one has to fight)

[i_like_1981]

Gah. Men's obsession with the opposite sex. I spit upon it.

What matters most is LOYALTY! Once you are committed, keep to it. People are losing loyalty, the sense of loyalty. It makes me sad, and angry.

And I hate gyms because you can do something similar in your own house with a bit of improvisation. (And practicing martial art moves is exerting enough already, and having bulging muscles is actually counter productive when one has to fight)

Don't knock gyms! I've been to my local one tonight again for an hour or so on the machines, getting the blood pumping, making myself feel somewhat active in a hope of not going to sleep tonight depressed and feeling like a total lazy bastard. Gyms are good, and some of the things you can do there involve mechanisms that just cannot be applied to one's own home. A dumbbell kit is about as far as you can go in a flat like mine. I know that celebrities could probably afford to have their own training rooms built but we're not all so lucky as to get millions for relatively little effort. Anyways, at a gym you get a variety of possible exercises and machines that are far beyond what most people's homes could take. And besides, the point is actually going to the place where you want to exercise, motivating yourself to go there, and not just sitting round at home doing it.

And I can't see why bulging muscles are counterproductive in a fight. Arm strength is fully necessary to land a harder blow for maximum damage. That's why you don't challenge some big guy to a fight, but a lesser-built guy. (Oh no! Am I taking the jock's mindset here? Shame on me!)

I understand why blokes are obsessed with the opposite sex. Women are the nicer, gentler and prettier side of the human species (well, maybe not the ones I've met, but I'm happy to go by the common opinion here!) Are you fully resistant to the attractions of the female species? Do you not so much as bat an eyelid when a pretty lady comes past? I would look, but I'd only be tormenting myself thinking that there's even a remote chance.

Best regards,
i_like_1981

[Jerry McGuire]

Yeah, gyms are a great way to get in shape. I used to go every other day, but I got lazy, and I had to move 500 miles away for university. I would go to my school's gym which is huge, but I live quite a ways from campus and it's so out of the way. I will go soon though, I'm starting to develop some very unwanted flab!

As to the fixation with women, it's natural instinct!

[i_like_1981]

Yeah, gyms are a great way to get in shape. I used to go every other day, but I got lazy, and I had to move 500 miles away for university. I would go to my school's gym which is huge, but I live quite a ways from campus and it's so out of the way. I will go soon though, I'm starting to develop some very unwanted flab!

As to the fixation with women, it's natural instinct!

With the sedentary lifestyle I lead and the rather large amount of fast food I have been known to consume, I really should be overweight. But I would actually say I was slightly underweight, because of my high metabolic rate which lessens the effect consumption of fast food will have on my weight. I'm about 171 lbs at the moment and six feet tall. I would like to gain some weight but would not describe myself as being in terrible need of fattening up. I still think if you have a good gym near you, you should try and use it. Even if you can't be bothered to use the machines that intensively, the long journey there which you mentioned should help burn off some weight.

Best regards,
i_like_1981

[The Imperialist]

Well this might be a misconception, but the gyms around me are all godalmighty expensive, so I kind of hate it. (And I am absolutely an utilitarian regarding exercise- I only really exercise for fighting prowess, and for the Cadet Force)