You Might Be A republican If . . . . . . .

[Fat Man]

You Might be a Republican If...

By Bruce Lindner

1 ) You believe George W. Bush's redistribution of middle-class tax cuts to the top 1% of tax-payers was good for America, but Obama's plan to return it to the middle class is 'socialism.'

2 ) You believe stem cells are living human beings, but thousands of Iraqi children are 'expendable collateral damage.'

3 ) You believe tax cuts for billionaires is a great idea, yet you wonder why the economy has stalled, your job just got outsourced to India, and oil company executives receive $400,000,000.00 retirement packages.

4 ) You believe the surge worked because the violence in Iraq is back to 2006 levels, which is only horrible, compared to what it was in 2007; intolerable. Besides, Brit Hume said so.

5 ) You think trial lawyers are harmful to America, yet you support prosecuting some guy in Muncie Indiana who burned his 99¢ American flag that was made in China by forced child labor.

6 ) You're all for the 'rule of law' when it's applied to Bill Clinton for lying about his infidelity, but not for prosecuting Karl Rove and Scooter Libby for committing treason.

7 ) You think George W. Bush is actually a really smart guy, but his folksy manner just makes him seem dumber than he really is.

8 ) You believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own, and that those who are born to poverty and never have opportunities for advancement, got what they deserved.

9 ) You believe Ronald Reagan was a great president who had complete control of all aspects of government, but the Iran-Contra Affair was an insignificant scandal that went on without his knowledge.

10 ) You believe Democrats tax and spend, but George W. Bush was a fiscal conservative.

11 ) You believe Oliver North, who was CONVICTED of perjury, obstruction of justice, destroying evidence and accepting bribes, is a patriot. But John Kerry, who saved a man's life while under enemy fire in Vietnam is a coward.

12 ) You believe George W. Bush kept us safe from terror, and the failure to prevent the 9/11 attacks were Clinton's fault.

13 ) You actually believe Fox News is fair & balanced.

14 ) You still believe Saddam had truckloads of WMDs, and that he somehow managed to sneak them into Syria, right under our noses.

15 ) You believe Terri Schiavo was sentient all along, and Bill Frist had the ability to diagnose her condition by watching a 5 second video of her sleeping.

16 ) You're in favor of stronger prison sentences for drug users, yet your favorite radio personality is Rush Limbaugh.

17 ) You complain about having to press 1 for English, yet you hire undocumented workers to mow your lawn because they're cheaper than hiring the kid next door.

18 ) Homosexuality is abhorrent to you, except when a Republican senator, the president of the National Association of Evangelicals, and a planted White House journalist get caught having sexual affairs with gay men. Then you suddenly feel sorry for them.

19 ) The war in Iraq makes perfect sense to you, but any suggestion by Barack Obama that we target al Qaeda specifically is 'dangerous and reckless.'

20 ) You don't mind that president Bush tortured men who were never charged with a crime, yet you're horrified by the wrath of al Qaeda when they capture one of our guys.

21 ) You believe the 1/10 of 1% of scientists who claim global warming is a hoax, and reject the 99.9% who say it's real, because Sean Hannity and his friends in the oil industry have convinced you that science is a part of a greater liberal conspiracy.

22 ) You believe patriotism means you should support your government right or wrong ... unless a Democrat's in power, then it's your patriotic duty to call him a closet Muslim, challenge his birth certificate, expose his sex life and impeach him.

23 ) You're proud of your party's 'culture of life.' Yet you support the death penalty for minors, you believe 600,000 dead Iraqis is justified because one of them was Saddam Hussein, and you oppose confronting the genocide in Darfur because they don't have oil.

24 ) You support prayer in school, as long as your kids aren't subjected to Muslim prayers.

25 ) You think Darwin's theory of evolution is a loony fairy tale, and mankind actually began with two naked teenagers, a magic apple and a talking snake.

26 ) You think $35 billion spent on health care for children is a waste of taxpayer's money, but $1.7 trillion spent on a catastrophic war that has isolated us from our allies, decimated our economy and made us less safe was money well spent.

27 ) You believe embargoing communist Cuba is sound foreign policy, but trading with China is just good business.

28 ) You believe Bill Clinton was an immoral cad, but Newt Gingrich and Henry Hyde were faithful husbands (and Larry Craig just has a wide stance).

29 ) You fervently defend the Constitution, but when president Bush got caught monitoring 300 million phones without a warrant, politicizing our justice system, hyping evidence for going to war and pardoning a convicted perjurer who just happened to be on his staff, then it's okay, because he was 'protecting America.'

30 ) You were outraged when a gallon of gasoline went from $1.29 to $1.40 during the two terms of the Clinton presidency, but you didn't seem to mind when prices tripled under George W. Bush, the "oil man."

31 ) You were furious when Bill Clinton pardoned international commodities trader Marc Rich, who was convicted of tax evasion, but applauded when George W. Bush exonerated Scooter Libby for obstructing justice to protect Dick Cheney from a treason indictment.

32 ) With no evidence whatsoever, you complained of 'voter fraud,' and demanded that thousands of blacks be scrubbed from voting lists during the 2004 election in Ohio, yet when Rush Limbaugh asked his audience to illegally claim to be Democrats and vote for Hillary Clinton during the Ohio Primary in February to "stir up trouble," a FELONY, you were okay with that.

33 ) You believe Barack Obama should be held accountable for every sermon that Jeremiah Wright ever gave, but John McCain, who sought the endorsement of anti-Semitic, xenophobic, openly racist and homophobic pastors should be given a pass.

34 ) You believe Barack Obama is either a secret Muslim, was actually born in Kenya, and his parents forged a fake birth certificate when he was born - just in case he should ever run for president, or that his father's nationality disqualifies his son from being president, all because you read that on the Internet.

35 ) You believe the 8 consecutive years of prosperity and strong economic growth from 1993 - 2001 was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush, but today's recession is all Clinton's and Obama's fault.

36 ) You laugh at how much better Barack Obama speaks with a TelePrompTer than without one, yet you never mention the fact that even with a TelePrompTer, every time George Bush opened his mouth, gibberish tumbled out.

37 ) You still believe Barack Obama has somehow succeeded in fooling every government and independent examination with his "obviously Photoshopped" documents. Instead, you rely on Internet gossip, WorldNetDaily and Jerome Corsi as your sources for "truth."

38 ) Your conservative media spent more air time discussing Michelle Obama touching the queen of England's arm than on the economy, the environment, terrorism and health care combined.

39 ) You believe that we should get out of Afghanistan because Obama is "nation building," yet for eight straight years of Bush's bumbling incompetence there, you kept mum. Therefore, attacking Iraq makes sense, even though they never threatened us, but finishing off the job of finding Osama bin Laden; the terrorist who killed 3,000 Americans -- Bush's original task -- is a dumb idea.

40 ) You were furious that Barack Obama admitted in France that Americans have occasionally been "arrogant, dismissive and derisive," but you cheered them on when Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld were arrogant, dismissive and derisive.

41 ) You believe that Obama's $3.6 trillion budget is an outrage, but never once complained that George Bush turned Bill Clinton's $300 billion surplus into a $1.3 trillion deficit. And it never once occurred to you that Bush deliberately omitted the Iraq and Afghanistan wars from those statistics, which means Bush's TRUE deficit was $3.1 trillion.

42 ) You supported Gov. Sarah Palin, partly because you believed she kept a good Christian home. This, despite the fact that her seventeen year old unmarried daughter was knocked up, her son was accused of vandalizing 44 school buses (cutting the brake lines of school buses - HELLO!!?) and was given the choice of going to jail or join the military, and Palin herself was found guilty of abusing the power of her office. But Barack Obama can't possibly be a true Christian, because his father was a Muslim, and his middle name is Hussein. (Besides, he's black, and everybody knows that Jesus was a blond haired blue eyed white man.)

43 ) You believe the only solution to gun violence is to make sure everybody is armed to the teeth. That way, when some crazy person goes on a killing spree, right-thinking people will take out the killer, and tranquility will prevail throughout the land.

44 ) You believe the mainstream news anchors are crazy, biased and filled with hate, but Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity are rational, accurate and informative.

45 ) You defend Rush Limbaugh's right to wish for Obama to fail, and therefore, the failure of our republic, yet you call Democrats the "blame America first crowd."

46 ) You claim that the economic crisis is the fault of the Democrats, but never mention that it was the Reagan administration that massively deregulated the banking industry in 1982, and it was Phil Gramm - McCain's choice for economic adviser - who completed the task for his pals in the banking industry in 1999.

47 ) You believe the failure of the US automobile industry is primarily the fault of the unions, and not because management of the three corporations insisted on producing vehicles that nobody wanted. And you're angry with the $28.00 per hour average wage of the work force, but you believe that the multimillion dollar salaries of the men who bankrupted the industry are perfectly reasonable.

48 ) You believe Barack Obama is a "narcissistic megalomaniac," because you heard Glenn Beck call him that once, but Beck himself is a humble man, concerned only for your welfare (brought to you by Goldline!).

49 ) You believe anybody who doesn't subscribe to Orly Taitz' birther movement is a RINO, and those who do, are carrying the torch of Reaganism.

50 ) You think this list is mean-spirited and biased, and even though you privately acknowledge to yourself that it's all true, you believe the Democrats are just as bad. Here's a bulletin: Nobody has ever been

[The Imperialist]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Is there like an equivalent for Democrats?

[Fat Man]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Is there like an equivalent for Democrats?

I suppose there is.

I'll have to do a Google search for it.

But Republicans are bigger screw-ups than Democrats

President Bush ruined this country!

But President Clinton only ruined a dress!

[The Imperialist]

At the least democrats are not trying to turn America into a bloody theocracy.

[Lewis]

The sad thing is, it looks like the Tea Party loons are going to walk this election. Sad really.

I suppose Obama's problem was that the public had built up sky high expectations and it was impossible for Obama to achieve them. Kind of reminds me of The Great Gatsby.

[Lewis]

Mid terms today. I hope Obama doessn't lose control of Congress.

[Lewis]

At least Obama has still got the Senate and at least it was not a landslide victory in the House.

[Safety]

It was like this during the Clinton era. Hopefully America will realize this and vote democrat when the time comes to reelect a president.

[recovering_fan]

Ohio will probably determine the winner, as usual.

[Lewis]

It was like this during the Clinton era. Hopefully America will realize this and vote democrat when the time comes to reelect a president.

I supppose the good thing out of the mid-terms is that the public will see how crazy the Tea Party truly is.

But, God help us if a Tea Party loon is elected president.

[i_like_1981]

I would definitely have to question the credibility of a movement that called themselves the "Tea Party". I don't know any of their policies but the name itself sounds a bit ridiculous. I mean, would you really want your country being ruled by a "Tea Party" group? I wonder where they got that name from or why they chose it? I'd be rather interested to hear more about them. Perhaps behind the rather strange name, they've got some good policies at hand.

Best regards,
i_like_1981

[Fat Man]

I would definitely have to question the credibility of a movement that called themselves the "Tea Party". I don't know any of their policies but the name itself sounds a bit ridiculous. I mean, would you really want your country being ruled by a "Tea Party" group? I wonder where they got that name from or why they chose it? I'd be rather interested to hear more about them. Perhaps behind the rather strange name, they've got some good policies at hand.

Best regards,
i_like_1981

No, Sarah Palin is a member of the Tea Party and she's a total moron!

She believes that the universe is only 6000 years old, and that Noah had dinosaurs aboard the ark.

I don't think that anyone who believes in a living man made from a handful of dirt, a woman made from a man's rib, and a talking snake with legs, as most of the members of the Tea Party believe, is qualified to run this country. No! Not by a long shot!

I'm not an atheist, I think there's a God and all that, but I believe that the creation story in Genesis is a myth. All religions have their mythologies. So why should Christianity or Judaism be the exceptions to the rule?

Even my Rabbi does not take the Genesis account so literally, and he supports teaching pure science in our schools, and he's also against any attempts to insert Creationism into the science curriculum.

Someday, the Republicans are going to end up drinking poison tea, just like the members of The People's Temple cult did back in 1978 when they drank the poison Kool Aid.

When that finally happens, we Democrats are going to celebrate with a BEER BASH!!!

[Earl]

Careful, Fat Man. As a member of a church of Christ, I do take the Genesis account literally. So, does my brother-in-law, who is an expert radiologist -- an extremely intelligent man, I might add. Needless to say. But I'm definitely not a Republican, and neither am I a Democrat. Politics lost me years ago. And, no, I don't favor a theocracy in this country. Absolutely not. Members of the churches of Christ would be among those persecuted under such a system.

[Fat Man]

Careful, Fat Man. As a member of a church of Christ, I do take the Genesis account literally. So, does my brother-in-law, who is an expert radiologist -- an extremely intelligent man, I might add. Needless to say. But I'm definitely not a Republican, and neither am I a Democrat. Politics lost me years ago. And, no, I don't favor a theocracy in this country. Absolutely not. Members of the churches of Christ would be among those persecuted under such a system.

I say people should be free to believe in whatever they want, but they should not allow their personal religious beliefs to interfere with our educational institutions.

I just don't take the Genesis account literally. Some people do, and that's OK as long as they don't try to force it on me.

At least we both agree that living under a theocracy would be bad news.

I have always been a very strong believer in the separation of Church and State, because a theocracy would actually take away religious freedom.

I firmly support religious freedom and I also firmly support intellectual and academic freedom, which the Tea Party members do not!

They would like to force Creationism into the school science curriculum.

The Genesis account is unscientific. It's a cute story, but it's not science.

I also have my favorite Bible story. It's the one about Esau and Jacob. Esau was not very bright, and he sold his birthright to Jacob for a bowl of soup, red lintel soup. Esau was a dumb redneck (Gerdon Edom, Hebrew word for Red Neck) and Jacob was a bit of a con man, but I have a rather sneaky admiration for Jacob. It those two guys were living today, Esau would be the typical redneck jock and Jacob would be the typical nerd or geek because he was pretty smart.

So, the story of Esau and Jacob is my favorite.

[Lewis]

I would definitely have to question the credibility of a movement that called themselves the "Tea Party". I don't know any of their policies but the name itself sounds a bit ridiculous. I mean, would you really want your country being ruled by a "Tea Party" group? I wonder where they got that name from or why they chose it? I'd be rather interested to hear more about them. Perhaps behind the rather strange name, they've got some good policies at hand.

Best regards,
i_like_1981

Tea stands for Taxed Enough Already. It is also a callback to The Boston Tea Party, where they rebelled against taxation. (It's an ongoing theme, so they opponse things like Obamacare believing it to socialist)

Here is report on the Tea Party by Andrew Neil: http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b0 ... y_America/

I must say, I do question people who would willingly listen to the words of Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck.