I was a disappointment to my father

[Imwimpyandprud]

Because I didn't play sports, I had a wonderful life as a child

[Earl]

You sound like you're extremely discouraged. I'm concerned that you're speaking in the past tense. Speaking as a middle-aged man, I know that the teenage years can be rough; but I can also assure you that this will pass. I don't want you to feel like you're alone. I'd like to give you some advice because I can really identify with you.

First of all, is there any way that you could talk with your father and explain to him why you're no longer interested in sports? Is he approachable, or do you feel otherwise about him? I ask these questions out of ignorance about your situation. If there is any hope of communication, I would try talking to your father. Perhaps you and your father could arrive at an understanding. But like I said, obviously, I don't know anything about your father or the kind of man he is. So, whether you talk to him about this problem is a choice that you will have to decide without any input from someone online who has never met him.

But the point is that you need to talk to someone, especially an adult who can give you some good advice. Have you tried talking to your mother? (Again, I don't know what kind of relationship you have with her or if she is in agreement with your father.) Do you have an uncle or an aunt you would feel free to talk to? How about a grandparent? Is there a teacher at school whom you would feel comfortable talking to? I've raised two children of my own; and I clearly understand the problems experienced by boys who don't like sports, as I happen to have fallen in that category when I was a kid. You can talk to anyone here, communicating either by post or (if you're concerned about keeping your communications private) by PM or using the e-mail button. But I think what you really need to do is talk to someone in person -- such as a member of your extended family, a teacher, or a student counselor. You need to talk to an adult as soon as possible.

In the meantime, you need to do something that will increase your self-esteem. If there is an academic subject that you're good at (especially one that will help you to earn a living when you're adult), excel at it. Study hard. Make it your goal to make straight A's, as much as that goal is attainable. I assume you're in junior high. Make good grades now so you'll have good study habits when you start high school. If you make good grades in high school, you'll be able to further your education at a college or university. If you excel academically in high school, then you will be eligible to receive a scholarship -- which (speaking from the standpoint of a parent whose daughters both received scholarships) can be extremely helpful, considering how expensive college tuition is these days.

You might also consider becoming proficient in some kind of physical activity other than sports. Perhaps learning a physical skill, such as carpentry, or a noncompetitive sport. I now wish that I had taken up bodybuilding when I was a teenager. As you may have read from other posts of mine, for over two years I've been working with a personal trainer at a local health club on a bodybuilding program. I spend only an hour four times a week in workout sessions at my health club. In other words, I don't have to spend a lot of time in the gym. Of course, hiring a personal trainer is expensive. You could purchase a set of weights at a sporting goods store and purchase some literature at just about any bookstore about bodybuilding or weightlifting. There is even a bodybuilding website that provides an online trainer for a modest fee.

Please understand that I'm only making suggestions as to what activities you could do that would increase your self-esteem. That is your own personal choice. But I do think that you should do something that will make you feel better about yourself.

As I've already said, I'm very concerned about how you're feeling right now. I don't want you to get too discouraged. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Please talk to someone. People go through rough periods in their lives, but they can turn out to be quite successful in the long run. When he was a teenager, my father once seriously considered dropping out of high school because he had a rather pronounced stuttering problem. But several of his friends helped him stay in school, and he ended up becoming a very successful architect who received many honors. If he had dropped out of school, I never would have been born because he never would have met my future mother at the university they both attended.

I have something else to say: You are not wimpy. You're simply discouraged, that's all. But, I assure you, this will pass. Just hang in there. And please follow my suggestions, and please let us know how you're doing. We're on your side.

[HugeFanOfBadReligion]

I will make a response to this in a while, as I'm quite busy with schoolwork right now, but if I can't make a response within the next few days I'll make one on the weekend.

[i_like_1981]

Because I didn't play sports, I had a wonderful life as a child

Your post doesn't seem 100% clear, I'm sorry. You state in the topic title that you were a disappointment to your father, but then you state that you have had a wonderful life as a child and then followed it up with a sad smilie. What exactly are you trying to say here? Please clarify? Is it that you had a wonderful life by not playing sports but disappointed your father in the process and now feel bad about it? I'm sad to hear that you feel like a letdown for not participating in competitive sports. I really don't know what would inspire people to show such utter obsession towards them to the point where they would put someone down, even their own offspring, for not sharing the same interest. I feel bad, because although I sucked at sports in primary and high school and was bullied for it, I never did have such pressure off my parents to voluntarily participate in these games that brought so much bad attention onto me. Does your dad not realise that there are plenty of other good vocations to pursue in life other than sports; vocations that will, ultimately, be more successful for the majority of the people in the long run? You need to find out exactly what is driving your father's obsession with sports and why he is so insistent that you participate in them even though you are clearly not interested. It is always sad when fathers insist on pressurising their children into things they have little interest for; perhaps it is in a hope of continuing family traditions, but we've all got to branch out in life. We can't always live down to expectations. I would be interested for you to clarify us on this issue a bit more, Imwimpyandprud. Don't be ashamed about it. We are fully aware of the excessive regard and attention shown towards sports in the world today and the fact some sports fans are intolerant of those who have no or little interest in them. I don't mind if people want to like sports, but if they're going to force people who don't really care about them into doing them and threaten them with resentment if they refuse, well, that's the point where it crosses the line, and these so-called "fun games" don't become fun games anymore, but an unavoidable misfortune for some. Again, I'm sorry that you feel that you've let your father down by not pursuing athletics in life, and I hope that you will, eventually, be able to sort this problem out and make your father aware of the fact that your main life interests and intentions lie outside of sporting activity. Hope to see you again sometime.

Best regards,
i_like_1981

[Imwimpyandprud]

Iwas kind of being sarcastic at the "I had a wonderful life as a child" part though. JUst kind of saying how much it sucked without saying: My childhood sucked

[i_like_1981]

Iwas kind of being sarcastic at the "I had a wonderful life as a child" part though. JUst kind of saying how much it sucked without saying: My childhood sucked

Oh right. I did hint at the possibility of sarcasm, but I wouldn't have wanted to offend you by saying you were being sarcastic if you were, in fact, being honest. But I understand. Sometimes when you have been brought down so much in life by something as trivial and apparently "enjoyable" as sports, it's hard to believe the world is for real. Does it really matter so much if not every single person in the world participates in these games with such joy and enthusiasm? Oh yeah, I forgot - of course it does. Because some of those sports players are real sticklers for conformity! I say "some" because not all of them are like that, but a select few really need to accept the fact that people do have dissenting opinions on the things they like so much. I know that a lot of people hate old music. I do look down on and hold some contempt for people who dismiss the classic old tunes but I don't feel the need to track them down on internet forums and make them feel horribly guilty and wrong for their opinion. It's just an opinion. Doesn't change anything in the real world. Doesn't pose a threat to any old music at all that one or a few people shouldn't like it. So what's the big deal with sports? Why do some sports fans feel that this low-profile website is such a great threat to their worldly-loved games? I do wonder...

Best regards,
i_like_1981

[irishhighlander]

Luckily, both my father and I hate sports. We just never understood why it was so damm important.
My biggest disappointement as a kid, was when our Cubscout troop was disbanded as all the boys in town wanted to only play floor hockey or hockey. None of them could find there way out of a wet paperbag wih a compass.

[i_like_1981]

Exactly. What is the big deal about sports? What makes it so socially unacceptable to express a disdain for them nowadays? To say that you're not bothered on a certain TV show doesn't draw much heat on you, but if you make it clear you're not into sports... you're making yourself a target for bullies. Does it hurt the inflated egos of these jocks to know that not everybody thinks exactly like them? God forbid somebody should ever go against what the local "sports heroes" want or do.

Best regards,
i_like_1981

[Earl]

Hey, i_like_1981. Last night (or early this morning, rather) at able2know.org, I was looking at the profile of Chumley, who started the "Welcome Sports Haters" thread. Checking his list of Topics, I discovered that he had previously started another topic on our website entitled "I hate sports." Since I was very short on time, I didn't read the entire thread verbatim; I just skimmed through it. But I read enough. Sure enough, sports fans reacted hysterically. Regarding the issue of sports culture, I realize and deplore the fact that there is intolerance on both sides; but I'm reminded that one side (namely, the sports fans) has just about all of the power (at least in most situations).

[i_like_1981]

I must make sure to visit that other thread Chumley started at some point. Speaking of which, if he's so keen on our website and letting people know about it on able2know, how come he hasn't signed up for a profile on the forums or made any posts on the Guestbook to let us know? He ought to. At least here, he'd be around people who agree with him and would not have to worry about stirring up a load of hatred from the rather intelligent yet aggressive and intolerant sports fans who seem to frequent able2know. Or is he already posting on this forum but under a different username? I don't know. I'd be interested to find out more.

Best regards,
i_like_1981

[Earl]

I must make sure to visit that other thread Chumley started at some point. Speaking of which, if he's so keen on our website and letting people know about it on able2know, how come he hasn't signed up for a profile on the forums or made any posts on the Guestbook to let us know? He ought to. At least here, he'd be around people who agree with him and would not have to worry about stirring up a load of hatred from the rather intelligent yet aggressive and intolerant sports fans who seem to frequent able2know. Or is he already posting on this forum but under a different username? I don't know. I'd be interested to find out more.

Best regards,
i_like_1981

Hi, i_like_1981. Be forewarned. Now, I haven't read all the posts word for word in that earlier able2know Sports thread, which is entitled "I hate sports"; but I did read enough by just skimming through them. There's a lot of hatred and contempt expressed, which amazes me. One jerk called the creator of our website a loser. Doesn't even know the guy. I'm referring to Ray (the cite Admin), of course. Although I've never spoken to him on the phone (since he's reluctant to give me a phone number), I have corresponded quite extensively with Ray by means of PMs and e-mails. So, I do know him well; and I can say that he's most definitely not a loser. Mrs. Earl has suggested that such hysterical reaction to a small website that represents the point(s) of view of a minority of people is indicative of insecurity on the part of the contemptuous critics.

To access that thread, i_like_1981, what you need to do is go to Chumly's profile and scroll down to "My Tags" and then click on "Sports." A webpage will then appear with the title "Chumly - My Tagged Topics - sports." Click on "I hate sports" and there you've got it.

I have no idea why Chumly has not signed up for our forum or left a message in the Guestbook to let us know that he's called attention to our website at able2know. I assume that he hasn't ever posted here under a different username. In fact, I rather doubt that he has. He left a PM for me today at able2know in response to a PM that I had left for him. I'm going to type up another PM for him when I have time tomorrow. I'll be sure to invite him to sign up for the forum, but he may not choose to do that. He may just relish the conflict at able2know. I have no idea. Anyway, I shall extend an invitation to him.

[recovering_fan]

Earl,

I think we should caution the impressionable teenagers here against "joining the fun" at able2know. I once joined a website full of people like the kind you describe, and they will tear you apart if you are young and impressionable. Some people's main talent consists in finding the kinks in others' psychic armour, and then using that knowledge to destroy people.

--RF

[i_like_1981]

I wouldn't describe any of our teenage members here as being "impressionable". Our younger members seem pretty decisive and steadfast in their dislike of sports. I think that guys like HugeFanOfBadReligion and Silence could handle some of the sports bullies over at able2know. After all, do their intolerant reactions to our anti-sports posts not further solidify our negative views on the sporting culture? I've been attacked by one of the sports fans over there, who went and called all sports haters "fucking pathetic" on an anti-sports thread and then got shocked when I gave him a similarly insulting, stereotypical response back. I'm glad I didn't concede any of my original views, because if he's going to go onto a thread where he'll obviously get irritated and then attack all the members who've posted on there with no prior provocation, I feel I'm well within my right to lower the boom on him. Able2know... it is meant to be an intelligent debating forum but it has its fair share of hardliners who don't make for pleasant company. I've not posted on there in nearly a year now. Why do these sports fans think they have the right to dominate all the threads and attack those which don't take their fancy? If you don't like what you hear, cover your ears and leave. Don't start attacking the people who do like what they hear.

Best regards,
i_like_1981

[recovering_fan]

I wouldn't describe any of our teenage members here as being "impressionable".

I was impressionable at 26. There is nothing wrong with being "open-minded", if you like that word better.

By the way, when someone is enraged, that is a sure-fire sign the guy is impressionable. What intellectual bullies and thugs most enjoy doing is working people into a rage, getting their victims to say personal things that the victims later regret, and then laughing their asses off as the victims fall on their faces apologising. It is truly sick.

Our younger members seem pretty decisive and steadfast in their dislike of sports. I think that guys like HugeFanOfBadReligion and Silence could handle some of the sports bullies over at able2know.

In a fair argument, at well-moderated site like ours? Of course they could. What I am saying is that people out there resort to cheap shots. Sometimes they bury their cheap shots inside a long flurry of very brilliant arguments. But they make their money on the body shots. Those are their bread and butter.

After all, do their intolerant reactions to our anti-sports posts not further solidify our negative views on the sporting culture?

They do.

I've been attacked by one of the sports fans over there, who went and called all sports haters "fucking pathetic" on an anti-sports thread and then got shocked when I gave him a similarly insulting, stereotypical response back. I'm glad I didn't concede any of my original views...

I am sorry to hear about the attack, but I am glad to hear it had no effect on your views.

[Earl]

Good evening, recovering_fan and i_like_1981. There definitely is something about board messaging that brings out the worst in people. At able2know I've lost my temper at least three times. I apologized once publicly by post and twice by PM. The level of animosity in these forums is unbelievable. There seems to be a contest to see who can come up with the worst insult. Many of the post-election exchanges between liberals and conservatives remind me of junior high and elementary school children yelling at each other. The concept of "able to know" hardly ever is a reality. (There are a few nice guys over there. Even one of the combative ones, when I responded to a post of his in a polite and slightly humorous tone, called me a nice guy and said that he went ballastic only with those who insulted him.) What saddens me is that hardly anyone learns about someone else's point of view. It's all about overinflated egos having their way with others instead of trying to understand them. I still wish that I could understand someone like Samdaman . I would have tried to use a little psychology to try to get him to understand why he was so angry with this website. Of course, Mrs. Earl says he wouldn't have listened to me. In the spring of last year, I would fantasize about a match-up between Fat Man and Samdaman . I had thought that such a contest would be won by Fat Man easily. But now I'm not sure. Such a match would degenerate into a "Battle of the Bullies." (Still, it's something to think about as an interesting possibility. ) I used to always read letters to the editor in newspapers, especially in regards to political controversies. Some of these letters upset me. But what I've read in website forums is even worse ...