I'm An Unholy Roller!!! Anybody Wanna Join My Congregation?

[Fat Man]

I guess you've all heard of some Christian religious sect known as the Holy rollers.

OK, for those who don't know what that is, here is an article with a brief description of the Holy Rollers.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holy_Roller

Holy Roller
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Holy Roller is a term in American English used to describe Pentecostal Christian churchgoers. It can be more broadly used to describe anyone with outspoken or deeply held religious beliefs, usually Christian.

History

Merriam-Webster traces the word to 1841. The term is commonly used derisively, as if to describe people literally rolling on the floor or speaking in tongues in an uncontrolled manner. For this usage, the Oxford English Dictionary cites an 1893 memoir by Charles Godfrey Leland, in which he says "When the Holy Spirit seized them ... the Holy Rollers ... rolled over and over on the floor." It is generally considered pejorative, but some have reclaimed it as a badge of honor, William Branham's wrote: "And what the world calls today holy-roller, that's the way I worship Jesus Christ." Similar disparaging terms directed at outspoken Christians include Jesus freaks and Bible bashers. Examples from former centuries include Shakers and Quakers. Gospel singer Andrae Crouch stated, "They call us holy rollers, and what they say is true. But if they knew what we were rollin' about, they'd be rollin' too."

OK, well . . . . . I'm an Unholy Roller!

I must confess, sometimes I do like to tune into Pat Robertson's 700 Club, and when Jerry Falwell was alive, I would tune into his program, and many other religious programs.

Not because I was interested in what they had to say, but for laughs!

That's because what they had to say was nothing but pure unadulterated BULLSHIT, the best kind of BULLSHIT there is.

After watching for a little while, I'd start laughing my fat ass off, and the next thing you know, I would literally be rolling on my living room floor helpless with laughter!

So, I'm a Unholy Roller!!!

I tune into these religious programs just so I can have something to laugh at, and believe me, these moronic Ecclesiass-holes are a never ending source of amusement!

So, would anybody like to join my congregation, and become an Unholy Roller?

Please respond! OK?

[recovering_fan]

would anybody like to join my congregation, and become an Unholy Roller?

Only if you promise to scream and bellow at us during the service so that your face gets all crimson.

Only then will I agree to join you in an unholy alliance.

--RF

[Fat Man]

would anybody like to join my congregation, and become an Unholy Roller?

Only if you promise to scream and bellow at us during the service so that your face gets all crimson.

Only then will I agree to join you in an unholy alliance.

--RF

You got a deal, but I will be screaming and bellowing at the morons on TV during their religious programs and not at my friends here on these forums.



I want you guys to join me in the screaming and bellowing, and rolling on the floor laughing at these morons and Ecclesiass-holes on TV or the radio.

In the meantime . . . . .

Welcome to The Unholy Rollers!

OK, here's our political strategy . . . . . our agenda.

We each inform our friends in our hometowns asking if they would like to join our happy congregation.

Then, when ever there is a local political rally being held by Republicans, Tea Party members, or conservative religious fundamentalist, or any right-wing group in whatever country you live in, we gather together in a counter rally, point our fingers at them and laugh, then we drop to our knees while laughing, and then we roll helplessly on the ground while laughing at them!

When ever they try to speak during their right-wing political rallies, we drown out their voices with our laughter.

Believe me, I can put out a really loud and jolly good belly laugh!!!

[Earl]

Nope, although "holy rollers" are mistaken in the unscriptural doctrines which they espouse.

Uh ... may I remind you that Ray -- who is one of the creators of this website, if not the sole creator -- is a Republican who supports the Tea Party movement? I also happen to know that rotten is a libertarian, a self-described "anarcho-capitalist." I believe that greencom has conservative tendencies as well. Please don't assume that only liberals and other people on the political left have problems with the sports culture. May I remind you that two of the most vociferous defenders of the sports culture at A2K -- kuvasz and Cycloptichorn (whom I refer to as "cytoplasm") -- are diehard ultraliberals? (Kuvasz calls himself a socialist.) In fact, the majority of A2K's members appear to be atheistic liberals. Most of them (except for Chumly, of course) are BIG sports fans. (And lest anyone get the wrong impression, I'm not a political conservative, either. I gave up on politics a long time ago.)

[Fat Man]

I just got this joke in an E-mail tonight so I thought under this topic would be a good place to post it.

A 10 year old boy was critically injured in a car crash.

At the hospital his doctor says; "Son you're dying, you're not gonna make it. Should I send in a priest?"

The kid says, "how can you think of sex at a time like this?"

[Fat Man]

To be a member of my Unholy Rollers Congregation, you need to post some really good jokes about religion.

Here's another fine example.

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years.

Upon her return, her father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...."

"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."

"OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath)....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera and... ."

"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says Dad.

Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff."

"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant.' Come here and give yer old man a hug!"

[ChrisOH]

Hello Fat Man and others!

I quite enjoyed "recreational Christianity" for a time after I left what I consider a Bible-based cult in the mid-1990s. I found that by laughing at the absurdity of their views, it made it much easier to break free from their abusive doctrines and practices. I especially loved the "rapture predictions" that seemed to spring forth every few months or so by somebody who was sure they had it all figured out when Jesus was going to come back, when thousands had failed before them in their predictions.

One such "recreational Christianity" site is that of Jack Van Impe, one of the rapture-predicting guys who bills himself as "the walking Bible". To my utter amazement, he is still around, as he has been for the better part of four or five decades, always telling us how Jesus could come back "any day now." I remember in the 1990's, he came up with a "mathematical formula" based on some genealogy in the Bible that gave the date of Christ's return as being in September 1999. When that date came and went, I wrote to Jack's website and asked why Jesus hadn't come back as promised. I received a form-letter email in return stating that "Rev. Van Impe never has and never will make specific predictions concerning our Lord's return," despite what he blatantly said over the air up until that point.

Here's a link of good old Jack's current website if anyone wants a look-see:

http://www.jvim.com

Ironically, Van Impe publicly criticized fellow religious loon Pat Robertson in 2005, comparing him to Osama bin Laden:

http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/200508300007

Apparently, some fundamentalists are just too fundamentalist for other fundamentalists!