Hey there I_Like_1981 - This is my 1981st forum post!!!

[Earl]

The message in this post is very important. Earlier in this post I copied and pasted a particular comment that had been posted years ago at a website set up by a high-school football coach. The comment was made by the website's creator himself, Coach Wyatt. Not only did I imply in this post that he probably condoned bullying, but I also sent him an e-mail rant in a spirit of anger. Instead of disregarding my e-mail as the online equivalent of crank mail, he chose to respond kindly to my e-mail (which I had not intended for him to feature at his website). As Ray (our website's admin) informed me earlier this morning, he does not condone bullying. I repeat, he does not condone bullying. Jerry McGuire was right. I apologize for casting aspersions upon Coach Wyatt's character. As a matter of fact, minutes ago I sent him an e-mail in which I apologized to him. I do not wish to ever be guilty of deliberately defaming anyone's character.

[Earl]

In the early spring of my sophomore year in high school, I watched the movie The Diary of Anne Frank for the first time on TV. The ending, of course, brought tears to my eyes. (After all, it really happened.) Because of the macho conditioning I had received from cultural influences outside my home, I actually felt ashamed of myself for shedding tears. (Today I realize that I was silly to feel ashamed of myself at that time.)

Really is pretty saddening, when this "hyper-macho" mentality that seems to exist in so many schools around the world will make a person feel ashamed and embarrassed at shedding tears over one of the most horrific, sickening events of the world's history. Anyone who would not be moved by a story like Anne Frank's really has got no emotion whatsoever. Maybe at the time it's important to know that you're doing the right thing by feeling for those who have suffered needlessly and that the macho mentality that seems to influence so many guys is just messed up. I can understand guys wanting to seem tough and trying to be the best, but if they fail to understand somebody crying over people losing their lives just because of the bigoted, unjustified beliefs of others, they should hang their heads in shame. I myself have read the diaries of Anne Frank and it was very upsetting, going into it from the start knowing what was going to happen and where it would all go, and how abruptly it finished with its writer having no way of knowing what was going to happen. A truly disturbing read, and there were so many others at that time who were even less fortunate. Absolutely nothing wrong with being emotionally upset by that. It's sad that idiots in high school would make it seem like there was something wrong with it, though. Yeah, because showing any compassion or consideration for others is beyond these boneheads' sphere of understanding, isn't it?

Best regards,
i_like_1981

What was sad about my reaction to the Anne Frank movie is that I had not been conditioned to react that way at home. My father certainly was tender-hearted and also was a very successful man. Without even thinking, I had picked up "macho" attitudes from my classmates at school. At that point in my life, I had grown up with hardly any self-confidence and had internalized wrong messages that I was inferior to other guys. So, I probably was overcompensating. Needless to say, today I shake my head over the way I reacted then.

What is so ludicrous about machismo's denigration of empathy and compassion as traits desirable in men is the fact that many of the greatest acts of courage have been driven by compassion. Just to give a few examples from modern times: those who saved the lives of Jews in Nazi-occcupied Europe, prominent Soviet dissidents who could have remained silent but chose to speak out. Even in the United States during the 1950s and early 1960s, there were those who opposed racial discrimination under Jim Crow, sometimes in situations that involved social ostracism or even grave risk. How could anyone deny that these instances of moral courage required a special kind of toughness that many, if not most, people do not possess?

I think young men today are beginning to realize that the "men should never cry" rule is ludicrous. Last year I related my reaction to seeing the Anne Frank movie to my personal trainer, a tall guy who has a well-developed build. He responded by saying, "Earl (not my real name, of course), everybody cries. That was something to cry about because it really happened." Several months ago I came across a photo in the local paper that was taken at the funeral of a cop in another city who had been slain while on duty. Several tough young cops, who obviously had muscular builds, were actually hugging each other in grief. They were obviously crying, but they weren't embarrassed about it. No one could say they weren't "real men."