Know Any Good Nerd or Geek And Jock Jokes???

[Fat Man]

Here's one!

A jock and a geek applying for the same job.

The boss said, "Boys, you need to take a test before you can get this job."

So they took the test and the next day they came back to see who the boss chose. "Well," he said, "Both of you got the same score except I'm going to choose the geek."

The jock complained, "Don't you think that's prejudice or something?"

"Well," the boss said, "Let me tell you what happened. Both of your papers were right all the way through until the last question came up, and the geek answered 'I don't know,' and then when I looked at your paper, you answered, 'Me either.'"

[Sergey]

Here's one!

A jock and a geek applying for the same job.

The boss said, "Boys, you need to take a test before you can get this job."

So they took the test and the next day they came back to see who the boss chose. "Well," he said, "Both of you got the same score except I'm going to choose the geek."

The jock complained, "Don't you think that's prejudice or something?"

"Well," the boss said, "Let me tell you what happened. Both of your papers were right all the way through until the last question came up, and the geek answered 'I don't know,' and then when I looked at your paper, you answered, 'Me either.'"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is priceless !!!

[Sergey]

Ok... what is the difference between a cat fish and a jock?


Well, one is a scum sucking ugly bottom feeder, and the other is a fish!


Ok... what detracts a Heavy and a Scout?


Well, one is an annoying baseball player who talks fast and uses a baseball as a weapon, and the other is a guy with a mini gun, who never talks about those boxing gloves he wears, that'd break that baseball and bat of his, and his face! AHAHAHAHA!


Ok that's all.

[Agent 47]

Hey, I was on Google just before, and I see it's the 40th Anniversary of Sesame Street...

SesSt40thAnnivErn&Bert_496.jpg (59.62 KiB) Viewed 1454 times

...so here's a 40th Anniversary of Sesame Street joke for ya's -

Q: What do you call a sports fan watching Sesame Street on TV?
A: A student/teacher relationship!

[Fat Man]

Dumb Jocks

The huge college freshman figured he'd try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach.

"Duh! Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.

"Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?"

"Duh! Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.

"Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?"

The freshman rolled his eyes, hesitated for a few seconds. "Duh! Well, sir," he said, "Duh! Huh! Huh! if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."

==============================

A man walked into a bar he had never been in before and ordered a drink. He then asked the bartender if he enjoyed dumb-jock jokes.

The beefy attendant leaned over the bar and fixed a withering glare on his customer. "Listen, buddy," he growled. "See those two big guys on the left? They're professional football players. And that huge fellow on your right is a world-class wrestler. That guy in the corner is a champion weight-lifter. And I lettered in three sports at Notre Dame. Now," he continued, "are you absolutely positive you want to go ahead and tell your dumb-jock joke here?" "

"Nah, I guess not," the man replied. "I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."

==============================

A dumb jock was driving to the airport, he saw a sign that read, "Airport Left," and he turned around and went home.

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The basketball coach stormed into the university president's office and demanded a raise right then and there. "Please," protested the college President, "you already make more than the entire History department."

"Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up with," the coach blustered. "Look."

He went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway. "Run over to my office and see if I'm there," he ordered.

Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath.

"You're not there, sir," he reported.

"Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the President, scratching his head. "I would have phoned."

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Q: What do the Green Bay Packers and The Los Angeles Police Department have in common?
A: Neither can stop a Bronco!

Q: Why did the football coach go to the bank?
A: To get his Quarter back.

==============================

After the first day of football practice one guy Travis asks Justin, "Justin, do you know that you have a cork in you ass?" Justin simply says "Yeah."

Travis replies "Well, doesn't it hurt?"

"Yeah, but I can't take it out!" Travis is confused, "Why not?" he asked.

Justin says "Well, over the summer I was walking on the beach and I found a bottle with a cork in it. So, I pulled the cork out and a genie popped out and said that she will grant me one wish. So I said NO SHIT!!!"

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Football Wedding

Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding.

One says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 93 years old, and she's just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?"

The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family."

"What do you call it?"

"We call it a football wedding."

The first asks, "What's a football wedding?"

The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"

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A New Football Fan

A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she liked the game.

"I liked it, but I couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents," she said.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Well, everyone kept yelling, 'Get the quarter back!'"

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Dallas Cowboys

Q: What do they call a drug ring in Dallas?
A: A huddle.

Q: There are 4 Dallas Cowboys in a car, who's driving?
A: The police.

Q: Why can't Michael Irvin be in the Cowboy huddle anymore?
A: It's a parole violation for him to associate with known felons.

The team doctor said because of Michael Irvin's fractured wrist, it'll be 6 - 8 weeks before he can video tape a team mate having sex.

The Chicago Bears are trying to trade for Michael Irvin. They got rid of the "Refrigerator" and now they want a "Coke Machine".

It was reported today that the artificial turf in Texas Stadium is being replaced because the Cowboys play much better on "grass".

The Dallas Cowboys have adopted a new "Honor System". "Yes, your Honor", "No, your Honor".

The Cowboys had a 12 and 5 season this year. 12 arrests and 5 convictions.

In a move to strengthen their defense, the Dallas Cowboys today hired a new defensive coordinator, Johnny Cochran.

Q: How do the Cowboys spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

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Well, That's all for now!

I'll eventually have more.

[Lewis]

A jock walks into a bar. Ouch!!

[Fat Man]

A jock walks into a bar. Ouch!!

A jock walks through a door and gets splinters in his face.

He should have opened it first.

====================

A jock tried to enter a bar, and he kept pushing and pushing on the door, but it would not open. He started banging and kicking on the door, and pushing even harder, and it still would not budge.

The door had a sign on it.

The sign on the door says . . . . .

PULL

[Skul]

A jock tried to enter a bar, and he kept pushing and pushing on the door, but it would not open. He started banging and kicking on the door, and pushing even harder, and it still would not budge.

The door had a sign on it.

The sign on the door says . . . . .

PULL

Heh, that one reminds me of this gif.

[Fat Man]

Here's a stupid jock frustrated because he can't figure out how to use a computer.

[Ray]

Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What is
your IQ?" to which the man answers "241."

"That is wonderful!" says Albert. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe.
We will have much to discuss!"

Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the lady answers, "144."

"That is great!" says Albert. "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!"

Albert then goes to another person and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers, "51."

Albert ponders this for a moment, and then says, "How â??bout dem Gators"

[Agent 47]

Viz188_p37_730_6.jpg (252.46 KiB) Viewed 1299 times

EDIT: Found a way to make the image a bit sharper.

[Ray]

WOW! Those are great!

[Agent 47]

They're actually out of a Viz comic - the top one was originally - "Sting's Fantastic Journey.....", and the bottom one was originally - "Bono's Incredible Voyage.....".

But they were just screaming out to get "the treatment" !

It never hurts to think of more ways of how to get rid of sports bores!

[Agent 47]

In honor of May being "Zombie Awareness Month"....

http://www.zombieresearch.org/zombieawarenessmonth.html

http://en.wordpress.com/tag/zombie-awareness-month/


Q: Why are zombies better than sports fans?
A: Because at least zombies have an appetite for brains!

[i_like_1981]

Some damn good stuff here! I also found that Michael Jordan/Bill Gates comparison thing pretty good over in the Football Sucks section. Yep, that should shut a fair few jocks up.

Q. What do you say to a jock with a job?
A. I'll have a Big Mac and fries please!

Best regards,
i_like_1981