New Anti Sports Fan Technology!

[Agent 47]

Japan invents speech-jamming gun

Japanese researchers have invented a speech-jamming gadget that painlessly forces people into silence.

Kazutaka Kurihara of the National Institute of Advanced Industrial Science and Technology, and Koji Tsukada of Ochanomizu University, developed a portable 'SpeechJammer' gun that can silence people more than 30 meters away.

The device works by recording its target's speech then firing their words back at them with a 0.2-second delay, which affects the brain's cognitive processes and causes speakers to stutter before silencing them completely.

Describing the device in their research paper, Kurihara and Tsukada wrote, 'In general, human speech is jammed by giving back to the speakers their own utterances at a delay of a few hundred milliseconds. This effect can disturb people without any physical discomfort, and disappears immediately by stopping speaking.'

They found that the device works better on people who were reading aloud than engaged in 'spontaneous speech' and it cannot stop people making meaningless sounds, such as 'ahhh,' that are uttered over a long time period.

Kurihara and Tsukada suggested the speech-jamming gun could be used to hush noisy speakers in public libraries or to silence people in group discussions who interrupt other people's speeches.

'There are still many cases in which the negative aspects of speech become a barrier to the peaceful resolution of conflicts,' the authors said.


http://bigpondnews.com/articles/OddSpot ... 25286.html

How handy would that thing be to have around, the next time some sports zombie starts up with their infernal incessant drivelling about da big game???!!!

[Fat Man]

[RE-EDITED]


OK, I went to another web site at, yeah, FOX NEWS, but I'm not going to quote it here because it's word for word verbatim like the article in the previous forum post above.

But here is a picture of said device.



There's just one problem with the whole idea . . . . .

They found that the device works better on people who were reading aloud than engaged in 'spontaneous speech' and it cannot stop people making meaningless sounds, such as 'ahhh,' that are uttered over a long time period.

And therein lies the problem.

Most sports fans go DUUUUUUUHHH! HUUUUUH HUUUH HUUUUUH! I LUUUUUVVV FOOOOOOOTBAAAAAAALLL!

Their long slow utterances would not be stopped by the devise and can still get through.

But people having an intelligent conversation would be blocked by such a devise.

Yeah! Uh huh! Just what the world needs right now! A device that blocks coherent speech while only allowing the incoherent moronic DUUUUUUUHHH type of speech to get through!

Of course, the Republicans would love it if only the long slow utterances of drooling morons can get through, while intelligent speech is stopped.

The Republicans fear intelligent people who can see through their lies and call them out on their bullshit, but they just love moronic drooling sheep and cattle, like, BAAAAAAAHHH! BAAAAAAAHHH! MMMOOOOOOO! MMMOOOOOOO!



Yeah, it would be nice to make moronic sports fans shut up, but not at the expense of free speech for the rest of us who might have something more intelligent to say.

Sorry, but I can see how this devise can be miss-used.

I have a much better idea.

To all those who personally know some obnoxious sports fan . . . do something to make his death look like a stupid accident that could be featured on 1000 Ways To Die!

Most sports fans are idiots who can be easily set up to take a fall.

[RE-EDIT]

Yeah! I just though of another scenario where the devise can be abused.

Imagine, one of my favorite intellectuals, for example: Richard Dawkins, is about to give a lecture about science, like, astronomy, geology, paleontology, or EVOLUTION at some university.

Then, some moronic right-wing Christard Funny-mentalist manages to sneak the above mentioned device into the lecture hall, and points it at Richard Dawkin's, causing him to stutter.

OK, I have known people who stutter a lot when speaking, but have no problems at all while singing. Yeah, I have known people with beautiful singing voices, yet they stutter when trying to speak, but never stutter while singing.

So, I guess, prominent scientists who give lectures at universities will have to take singing lessons, so that they can sing their lectures instead of speaking.

Then, the device won't interfere what they're saying, or rather, singing.

I imaging, if Carl Sagan were still alive today, he would have a beautiful singing voice.

There's always a way to counteract something.

WOW! Talk about having to literally sing for your supper!

[Agent 47]

Well, apart from all the sheep and cattle calls, sports fans also PARROT certain cliches about sport.

I heard a couple of sports fans just the other day discussing all the dreary details of why "we" lost some football game. They were talking in those boring sporting cliches, dissecting the game-plan of the match, in the style of parrots of course - "Squwaaark, we went out too wide, squwaaark, we should have gone straight down the centre, squwaaark squwaaark squwaaark, Polly want a cracker."

So there's plenty of parroted sports talk like that around, that could be targeted by this technology.

So this device could be upgraded with speech recognition software that could recognise all of those standard parroted sporting cliches, and zap them out automatically!

And someone should make an automatic sports cliche detector and jammer available as an app for a smartphone!

I want one!

Footbore season has just started over here, and I tell you, I need this technology more than ever right now!

[DanTran]

Sadly, technology like this could be used by oppressive governments to suppress their people even more.

Can you imagine how horrible it would be to live in a place where you are not even able to speak?

I live in America and I believe in freedom of speech for all. It allows us to post in such a great forum. But when it comes to sports, no mercy. I don't want to hear it, see it, or smell it. I have no respect for sportsmen or their freedoms!! If that makes me a tyrant, so be it.

[Fat Man]

Sadly, technology like this could be used by oppressive governments to suppress their people even more.

Can you imagine how horrible it would be to live in a place where you are not even able to speak?

I live in America and I believe in freedom of speech for all. It allows us to post in such a great forum. But when it comes to sports, no mercy. I don't want to hear it, see it, or smell it. I have no respect for sportsmen or their freedoms!! If that makes me a tyrant, so be it.

I just thought of another way to counteract this technology.

If you wish to have an intelligent conversation with your friends, each one present could wear headphones with a mike. Then you can talk to each other, and even hear each other much better if you happen to be in a place that is noisy. Also, the headphones would block out any interference from the above mentioned device.

OK, a friend invited me out to lunch. She was paying for both of us, so we had hot spicy chicken wings and some beer. But guess what! It was at a sports bar!

They had three large flat screen TVs going, and a different football game on each one.

That was bad enough.

But the volume was turned up to the max on all three TVs so that my friend and I could not have a decent conversation.

Now, if we were wearing the headphones with the mike, then we could block out the moronic retarded babbling from the three TVs and we could hear each other much better during our conversation.

Anyway . . . . .

I told her I didn't want to go to that sports bar ever again, because, not only was it too fucking noisy, it was also too expensive.

She agreed, so we won't be going there ever again.

Next time we'll eat at The Golden Corral which has an All You Can Eat Buffet, and we can hold a decent conversation there because, it's not as noisy as all these retarded sports bars.

Who wants to look at a bunch of retarded, smelly morons on a big screen TV chasing a ball around, and listen to retarded infantile babbling?

Not I!!!

[DanTran]

You should have gone up and changed the channel.

[Fat Man]

You should have gone up and changed the channel.

WHAT! You mean, just go up and change the channels on all three TV sets?

Are you kidding me?

All those redneck sports fans would have come down on my ass like white on rice, and I would have gotten the holy shit beat outta me!

No, I just won't go there anymore. I don't care how good their food might be, it's too expensive and not worth it.

I'll just go to The Golden Corral and chow down at their all you can eat buffet.

And, I don't have to be looking at some ugly retarded apes kicking a ball around.

That alone is enough to make me up-chuck and blow my lunch!

[DanTran]

Yeah, I was half-joking.

I mean what's the point of going out to lunch with a friend without good conversation? You have a right, and those TVs shouldn't be so damn loud!!

It'd have been funny though, switching their game off.