Post a Joke Thread

[Fitman's Brother]

I was talking to a friend's little girl, and she said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were to be the President, what is the first thing you would do?'

She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.' 'Wow - what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'You don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull weeds, and sweep my sidewalks and driveway, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food or a new house.' She thought that over for a few seconds 'cause she's only 6. And while her Mom glared at me, the little girl looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

And I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party, sweetheart."
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This joke is especially funny because the little girl is the American public (the working people) while Fat Man is the homeless man who will get the money for doing nothing.

[Fat Man]

I was talking to a friend's little girl, and she said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were to be the President, what is the first thing you would do?'

She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.' 'Wow - what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'You don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull weeds, and sweep my sidewalks and driveway, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food or a new house.' She thought that over for a few seconds 'cause she's only 6. And while her Mom glared at me, the little girl looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

And I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party, sweetheart."
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This joke is especially funny because the little girl is the American public (the working people) while Fat Man is the homeless man who will get the money for doing nothing.

HEY FUCKER! I DID MY WORK!

I WAS A HUMAN PUNCHING BAG FOR SCUM-BAGS LIKE YOU TO PRACTICE ON AND I DIDN'T GET PAID, AND IT WAS INVOLUNTARY!

Also, I learned that there are no rewards for work.

When I was in school, every time I worked on a science or art project, someone would come along and destroy it!

SORRY, BUT I DON'T HAVE TO WORK FOR SCUM LIKE YOU!

NO, INSTEAD, YOU SHOULD BE SHINING MY SHOES FOR ME!

Oh! And your precious Republican party . . . they're against science education in our schools.

The Republican party is THE LEAGUE OF 250 POUND FAIRY TALE BELIEVERS!

So, if they have their way, high school graduates would have only two options.

1.) Get into professional sports.

2.) If your physically handicapped and can't do sports, then you bag groceries at minimum wadge for the rest of your life.

That's because we don't need to teach science anymore in our public schools. It's much cheaper to put up basketball hoops and buy new football jerseys and helmets than it is to buy equipment for a high school chemistry, physics, or biology lab.

We can always import well educated science nerds and techno-geeks from overseas to keep the lights on and the wheels turning, while our own kids just bag groceries for the rest of their lives if they're not good at sports.

So, yeah!

Welcome to the Republican party!

[Fitman's Brother]

1. Your hatred of the Republican Party makes you believe things about them which aren't true. Research your facts: just about everything you said isn't true.

2. Apparently you are illiterate and don't know how to read the title of the thread

3. My next joke:

Q: What's the difference between a Democrat politician and a leech?
A: A leech quits sucking your blood after you die.

Q: How many liberals does it take to change a light Bulb?
A: At least ten, as they will need to have a discussion about whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree
upon the existence of the light bulb they still may not change it to keep from alienating those who might use other forms
of light.
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A traveller wandering on an island inhabited entirely by cannibals comes upon a butcher shop. This shop specialised in
human brains differentiated according to source. The sign in the shop read:

Artists' Brains $9/oz
Philosophers' Brains $12/oz
Scientists' Brains $15/oz
Republicans' Brains $19/oz
Democrats' Brains $2,000/oz

Upon reading the sign, the traveller noted, "My those Democrats' brains must be popular!" To which the butcher
replied, "Are you kidding! Do you have any idea how many Democrats you have to kill to get a ounce of brains?!"
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A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. She considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, but
her father was a staunch Republican. One day she was challenging her father on his beliefs and his opposition to high
taxes and welfare programs. He stopped her and asked how she was doing in school.
She answered that she had a 4.0 GPA, but it was really tough. She had to study all the time and never had time to go
out and party. She didn't have time for a boyfriend and didn't really have many college friends because of spending all
her time studying. On top of that, the part-time job her father insisted she keep left absolutely no time for anything else.
He asked, 'How is your friend Mary?' She replied that Mary was barely getting by. She had a 2.0 GPA, never studied,
but was very popular on campus, didn't have a job, and went to all the parties. She was always complaining about not
having any money, but didn't want to work. Why, she often didn't show up for classes because she was hung over.
Dad then asked his daughter why she didn't go to the Dean's office and request that 1.0 be taken off her 4.0 and given
it to her friend who only had a 2.0. That way they would both have a respectable 3.0 GPA. Then, she could also give
her friend half the money she'd earned from her job so that her friend would no longer be broke. The daughter angrily
fired back, 'That wouldn't be fair. I worked really hard for my grades and money, and Mary just loafs. Why should her
laziness and irresponsibility be rewarded with half of what I've worked for?' The father slowly smiled and said,
'Welcome to the Republican Party'."

[recovering_fan]

(This isn't a joke.)

She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.' 'Wow - what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'You don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull weeds, and sweep my sidewalks and driveway, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food or a new house.' She thought that over for a few seconds 'cause she's only 6. And while her Mom glared at me, the little girl looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

Most homeless people would jump at the chance to make $50 for such a minimal amount of work if you offered it to them. In fact, yard work is so fun that when I was homeless I cleaned my church's yard FOR FREE! Unfortunately, though, they'd have to have somewhere to store their backpacks while they did the work. When you're homeless you get freaked out about letting your backpack out of your site.

Many homeless people want cash so badly they spend hours "canning" (picking up empty bottles and can for 5 cents a can, which adds up to perhaps $4 at the end of the day).

[Fat Man]

(This isn't a joke.)

She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.' 'Wow - what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'You don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull weeds, and sweep my sidewalks and driveway, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food or a new house.' She thought that over for a few seconds 'cause she's only 6. And while her Mom glared at me, the little girl looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

Most homeless people would jump at the chance to make $50 for such a minimal amount of work if you offered it to them. In fact, yard work is so fun that when I was homeless I cleaned my church's yard FOR FREE! Unfortunately, though, they'd have to have somewhere to store their backpacks while they did the work. When you're homeless you get freaked out about letting your backpack out of your site.

Many homeless people want cash so badly they spend hours "canning" (picking up empty bottles and can for 5 cents a can, which adds up to perhaps $4 at the end of the day).

Aw! Forget it! You can't reason with anyone who has shit for brains!

But, thanks for the response anyway.

And yes, I did have some part time jobs myself. Low paying shit-jobs for less then minimum wadge!

Back in 1973 and 1974 my mother and I were living in a trailer park in Las Cruces New Mexico, which was located next to the 70/80 truck stop and there was an ice factory there.

I worked in the ice factory. It was only part time work. The trailer park, the ice factory, and the truck stop was own my a Mormon who had pecan ranches and he was worth about $2 million dollars.

But, when I worked for him, I got paid LESS THAN minimum wadge!

And I even helped lay concrete slabs in the parking area around the truck stop.

I quit working for the guy since I was getting less than minimum wage.

But, in the meantime, there were truck drivers who drove grain trucks who needed help unloading their trucks at the grain elevator in Deming which was about 50 miles west of Las Cruces.

So, I tacked up a note on the bulletin board at the 70/80 truck stop with my name and lot number, saying I was available. About twice each week, a truck drive would knock on my door, so I would quickly pack a sack lunch and got back to his truck, and we rode to Deming.

It was about 2 hours of work, and I got paid on average about $20 dollars each time I help with unloading a truck. We used shovels and push brooms to push the grain into the slot in the bottom of the bed to get all the grain to go down into the conveyor belt where it was taking up into the grain elevator.

But after about 6 months, I had to quit because I has having severe allergies from the grain dust, and I was sick most of the time.

It was actually fun for a while, I enjoyed riding up in the cab of a big 18 wheeler on the way to and from Deming, a total of about 100 miles. And I was paid better than I was from the rich Mormon who owned the ice factory.

It was fun for awhile, but it was not the kind of work I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Then in 1975 to 1978 I was able to get a grant to go to college, but because of my financial situation I was unable to complete my degree.

But, jock still get their free Hummers after they have beaten and raped someone!

OK, now my response to Pussy Boy AKA Fit Shit's Brother!













I have recently ordered this book. It's pretty good!









This one is a bit out-dated. I'll need to add more Republican shit-faces!





Ah yes! Good ol' CONservative values!

[Fitman's Brother]

You Might Be A Democrat If...

* You own something that says, "Dukakis for President, " and still display it.
* You've ever said, "We really should call the ACLU about this."
* You believe that a few hundred loggers can find another career, but the defenseless spotted owl must live in its
preferred tree.
* You ever based an argument on the phrase, "But they can afford a tax hike because..."
* You keep count of how many people you know in each racial or ethnic category.
* You believe our government must do it because everyone in Europe does.
* You can't talk about foreign policy without using the word conspiracy.
* You think Ralph Nader makes a lot of sense.
* You don't understand why anyone was bothered by Jane's trip to Hanoi.
* You think solar energy is being held back by those greedy oil companies.
* You actually expect to collect Social Security.
* You think the State of Florida should have tried to reform Ted Bundy.
* You think the Great Society has actually worked.
* You got teary-eyed during the film "The American President."
* Your house smells like a garbage dump because of your commitment to recycling.
* You think political patronage describes the Kennedy family.
* Your High School Year Book goals included the words "help people."
* You think the Free Market is where they hand out Government cheese.
* You think Carter should be on Mt. Rushmore.
* You believe personal injury lawyers when they say they are just trying to defend the little guy.
* You know that those profit mongering drug companies could find a cure for AIDS if they really wanted to.
* You actually believe the NY Times and Washington Post.
* You are friends with at least one Vegan.
* You trust Teddy Kennedy when he said that she was driving.
* You think the anti-war protestors from '60s are the real heroes.
* You think that Supply Side Economics refers to your dope dealer's stash.
* You think Michael Jackson is a great example of diversity.
* You actually think that poverty can be abolished.
* You admire the Swedish welfare system.
* You know that Jefferson really meant to say "Entitled to Happiness."
* You think the Flat Tax should be at 95%
* You go to Gay Pride Day parades so that no one can call you homophobic.
* After looking at your pay stub you can still say, "America is undertaxed."

And THIS is what the demoCRAP part actually believes.

[Fat Man]

You might be a Republican if:

You believe the Earth is only 6000 years old.

You believe that a man was made from a handful of dirt, a woman made from his rib, and that dirt-man and rib-lady were placed in a magical garden with a magical tree bearing magical fruit they weren't allowed to eat, but were tempted into doing so by a talking snake with legs!

You believe that Noah and his three sons traveled all over the Earth to bring back polar bears from the north pole, penguins from the south pole, and kangaroos from Australia, and that they put saddles on dinosaurs and rode them back to the ark.

You are against science education in our public schools, and want to insert Creationist fairy tales into school science textbooks.

You believe your children are born in sin so you beat them and whip them until they bleed to death.

you still wear diapers even as an adult!

[Fitman's Brother]

A guy is visiting San Francisco, and walks into a small store in Chinatown.

He notices a small bronze statue of a rat.

He asks the owner "how much", and the owner replies "$50 for the bronze rat, and $1000 for the story behind it."

The guy says, "forget the story", and buys the rat.

As he's walking down the street he notices two live rats following him. As he continues to walk, more rats start following him.

He starts to get a little concerned, and heads for the waterfront. By the time he gets there there are thousands and thousands of rats following him.

He walks up to the end of the pier and throws the bronze rat into the bay, and the rats all follow and leap off of the pier and drown.

The guy rushes back to the store and walks in. The owner says, "Ah!, so your back for the story".

The guys says, "No, I was wondering if you have any bronze liberals?"

[Fat Man]

A guy is visiting San Francisco, and walks into a small store in Chinatown.

He notices a small bronze statue of a rat.

He asks the owner "how much", and the owner replies "$50 for the bronze rat, and $1000 for the story behind it."

The guy says, "forget the story", and buys the rat.

As he's walking down the street he notices two live rats following him. As he continues to walk, more rats start following him.

He starts to get a little concerned, and heads for the waterfront. By the time he gets there there are thousands and thousands of rats following him.

He walks up to the end of the pier and throws the bronze rat into the bay, and the rats all follow and leap off of the pier and drown.

The guy rushes back to the store and walks in. The owner says, "Ah!, so your back for the story".

The guys says, "No, I was wondering if you have any bronze liberals?"

I wonder if that store and any bronze elephants or bronze football players!

Go watch some cartoons or read some fairy tales, little boy!

[Earl]

You might be a Republican if:

You believe the Earth is only 6000 years old.

< snip >

Fat Man, since Fitman's Brother is not a religious man, this particular post of yours is not relevant to him.



Fitman's Brother, I know this is supposed to be a joke thread, as you've indicated in your title; but it's also exclusively political (or has been so far). So, I'd like to make just a few political comments here. I speak as a guy who was liberal when he was young (at a time when the major political issues were different from those today), but today is now a disillusioned nonvoter.

The creator of this website (who, incidentally, hasn't posted of late, since he's extremely busy doing something else, I assume) is a conservative Republican just like you.

Some Democrats are smart; some are dumb. Some Republicans are smart; some are dumb. Many Democrats are big sports fans; some aren't. Many Republicans are big sports fans; some aren't. Some Democrats are the nicest people I've ever met; some are jerks. Some Republicans are the nicest people I've ever met; some are jerks. My wife and I got married in 1979. As we both joked about it, we had a mixed marriage, since she was a Republican while I was a Democrat. In time we became disappointed in our respective parties, although my wife still votes in elections. Occasionally she has voted for a Democrat or two. Even though she's a Republican, she views Ron Paul as dangerous. She recently told me if Paul were the Republican nominee, she would vote for President Obama as the lessor of two evils. Of course, since Romney's got it all sewed up, that's not going to happen.

Neither political conservatism nor political liberalism have an unblemished history. For example, opposition to Jim Crow laws was a liberal initiative, not a conservative one. I hate to say this, but it's true.

I grew up under Jim Crow; so, I know how evil it was. In 1960 when I was in the fourth grade, a black Korean combat veteran was working for my parents as a yardman. I noticed that even though he was a lot stronger physically than my father was, he was emotionally emasculated. Perhaps he was that way because he was shell-shocked or he was psychologically castrated by growing up as a black male under Jim Crow or both. One day I was home from school with a bad cold. He was bitten by a cottonmouth behind our home. I remember my mom telling me she'd be home in time to cook dinner after she took the yardman to the nearest hospital. (I think my dad may have been out of town at that time, as I don't remember him being home when this happened.) Well, she didn't get back until late that evening. I remember when I opened the door to let her in that tears were running down her face. She had taken him to a nearby clinic that had refused to admit him, although he had put his life on the line for this country. She had to drive to the other side of town to find a hospital where he would be given treatment for the snakebite; but he wasn't treated there for an entire hour and was mocked by white interns. Conservatives had no problem with this injustice, this sort of discrimination no white American has ever suffered in this country.

What is the political orientation of the Ku Klux Klan? Is it a Marxist or socialistic group? No, it isn't. Is it a liberal group? No, I don't believe so. Hasn't it, in fact, always been a conservative group? Yes, it has; and it even predates fascism and Naziism. True, just about all conservatives today shun the Ku Klux Klan, as any decent person would; but the truth remains that it is a conservative group.

Throughout the history of Jim Crow, there may have been individual conservatives (such as Supreme Court Justice John Harlan at the time of the Plessy vs. Ferguson decision) who opposed Jim Crow; but the position of most conservatives was to defend Jim Crow as supposedly being Constitutional, among other rationales. (If Jim Crow were Constitutional, then I'd say we need to change the Constitution.) For many years passage of civil rights laws was stymied by a coalition of conservative Southern Democrats and northern conservative Republicans. During my lifetime William F. Buckley, Jr., defended Jim Crow. Shortly before he died a few years ago, he publicly regretted his past stance. Too little; way, way, way too late. During the 1990s a noted conservative writer named Charles Murray claimed that blacks were genetically inferior to whites. When I hear conservatives today object to affirmative action programs (which I don't necessarily support myself), I just remember their pathetic record on civil rights.

Barry Goldwater, Richard Nixon, and Ronald Reagan pursued a "Southern strategy" in which they invited unrepentant segregationists (in other words, white Southern conservative Democrats) to join the Republican Party. My wife feels the Republican Party allowed "Southern Democrats" to come into her party without changing their views.

Any members of the Ku Klux Klan who are politically active today are active only in the Republican Party (or perhaps the Libertarian Party as well), such as the Klansman running for county sheriff somewhere in Idaho, not the Democratic Party. (Incidentally, he's a Ron Paul supporter.)

Incidentally, remember David Duke, who attended a Holocaust-denying conference in Teheran last year? I don't remember when this happened, but some years ago Duke once was elected as a Republican to the Louisiana State House of Representatives. Despite Duke's long record of previous activity in the Ku Klux Klan, the now thrice-married Newt Gingrinch publicly declared that if Duke watched what he said for a few years, he would be welcomed into the Republican Party, no questions asked! To be fair, though, I will point out that when Duke ran for Governor of Louisiana, there were decent white Republicans who urged their fellow party members to vote for the Democratic candidate instead, which saved their state from experiencing what would have been quite an embarrassment.

Yes, I believe there are many other issues besides civil rights; but many conservative Republicans seem intent upon emasculating civil rights laws.

Let me repeat, I'm neither a Democrat nor a Republican. I'm just saying the convenient arrangement in which all the evil people are in one political party, but not the other does not exist.

Regarding welfare, I don't believe all poor people are lazy. My own position is somewhere between yours and Fat Man's.

I must say this in Fat Man's defense. As far as his current situation is concerned, he is physically unable to drive a car. He wouldn't be able to bag groceries because he cannot stand up for very long. I don't know what he could do at this point in his life.

I'm not even annoyed with you. I'm just saying politics are more complicated than you realize and that people have different reasons for supporting one party or the other -- many of which, I'm sure, are equally compelling to them.

Frankly, I wish there were another political ideology or another political party I could support; but there isn't. By the way, I don't bind my political disillusionment upon anyone. I'm just expressing my own point of view.

An addendum: Ah, yes! Politics, the great disuniter. Fitman's Brother, you and Fat Man have something in common after all. You share this politcal stance in common: You both favor same-sex marriage, which is a liberal initiative. Although I clearly have a "live and let live" attitude towards gays and believe that any vicious crime committed against a gay person should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law, I don't support same-sex marriage for several reasons, which would result in many people calling me a terrible bigot. Heh, both of you could get on my case. So it goes in the world of politics ...

[HugeFanOfBadReligion]

A traveller wandering on an island inhabited entirely by cannibals comes upon a butcher shop. This shop specialised in
human brains differentiated according to source. The sign in the shop read:

Artists' Brains $9/oz
Philosophers' Brains $12/oz
Scientists' Brains $15/oz
Republicans' Brains $19/oz

Haha, that is a funny joke, a Republican having more than half the brain power of a scientist!

Here's another joke

And another:


For the record, I'm not a Democrat, in fact, I literally can't be because I'm not from the US and there is no Democratic party in Canada, I just thought I'd bring some balance to this thread.

[Fitman's Brother]

Hold on buddy. "Balance"? To be honest, I'm far from a conservative and lie directly on the center. Therefore, I find both the extreme democrat and extreme republican jokes funny.

You didn't bring balance. I was the one who brought balance because previously in this forum, there was only Fatass making Republican jokes. I decided to make it even by dumping some Democrat jokes (and I decided to do it to get Fatty going-just to yank his chain, and he took it hook, line, and sinker). You tilted the "balance" back in favor of the democrats by doing that.

[Earl]

I was the one who brought balance because previously in this forum, there was only Fatass making Republican jokes.

You do have a point. I was assuming you were a conservative. That's the problem with online posting: There's always the potential for misunderstanding what someone says or where he stands.

[Fat Man]

I was the one who brought balance because previously in this forum, there was only Fatass making Republican jokes.

You do have a point. I was assuming you were a conservative. That's the problem with online posting: There's always the potential for misunderstanding what someone says or where he stands.

Sorry Earl but I have to disagree with you on this one!

Fit Shit's Brother AKA Pussy Boy is a far-wight-wing fascist who thinks people with physical handicaps should be starved to death.

Yeah! This from another topic!

It's a sad and pathetic day when a grown American man such as Fat Man doesn't understand the free market.

And a "measly" 600 dollars? If it's so insigificant, don't accept it! That's MY MONEY YOU ARE TAKING. GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY, FAT ASS!

STEALING MONEY IS A CRIME, AND YOU STOLE MY MONEY. YOU SHOULD BE LOCKED UP AND STARVED TO DEATH, THEN FED TO DOGS.

So, he is hardly what I would call a middle of the road moderate!

He's a right wing FASCIST NAZI SCUM-BAG SANCTIMONIOUS PIECE OF DOG SHIT!

[Brigan]

He's a right wing FASCIST NAZI SCUM-BAG SANCTIMONIOUS PIECE OF DOG SHIT!

Human Parasite > right wing FASCIST NAZI SCUM-BAG SANCTIMONIOUS PIECE OF DOG SHIT!

Fat Man, since Fitman's Brother is not a religious man, this particular post of yours is not relevant to him.

He's another Joke,

Fat Man tries to post relevant stuff.


HA HA.