Funny
Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 1:24 am
From the late, great comedian, Mitch Hedberg:
> "I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs."
> "The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much you play, you'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once, they're fucking relentless."
> "You know, people think I'm into sports just because I'm a man. I'm not into sports. I mean, I like Gatorade, but that's about as far as it goes. By the way, you don't have to be sweaty and holding a basketball to enjoy a Gatorade. You could just be a thirsty dude. Gatorade forgets about this demographic. I'm thirsty for absolutely no reason. Other than the fact that liquid has not touched my lips for some time. Can I have a Gatorade too, or does that lightning bolt mean 'No'?"
> This one time I was in a convenience store, and a guy came up and asked me, "What's the score?" and I said, "What is the game? If it's a competition between me and you, and the object is to ask the other guy questions he doesn't give a shit about, then you are winning, one to nothing."
> Yeah, I'm not into sports. If I had athlete's foot, my first reaction would be, "That's not my fucking foot."
> One time I was forced to go to the doctors because of a sports accident. Herpes.
> "I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs."
> "The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much you play, you'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once, they're fucking relentless."
> "You know, people think I'm into sports just because I'm a man. I'm not into sports. I mean, I like Gatorade, but that's about as far as it goes. By the way, you don't have to be sweaty and holding a basketball to enjoy a Gatorade. You could just be a thirsty dude. Gatorade forgets about this demographic. I'm thirsty for absolutely no reason. Other than the fact that liquid has not touched my lips for some time. Can I have a Gatorade too, or does that lightning bolt mean 'No'?"
> This one time I was in a convenience store, and a guy came up and asked me, "What's the score?" and I said, "What is the game? If it's a competition between me and you, and the object is to ask the other guy questions he doesn't give a shit about, then you are winning, one to nothing."
> Yeah, I'm not into sports. If I had athlete's foot, my first reaction would be, "That's not my fucking foot."
> One time I was forced to go to the doctors because of a sports accident. Herpes.
