Beating Up Jocks: How it's done.

[CUJO THE NASTY]

OK people, as a public service, I will tell you all, once and for all, about how to deal with obnoxious Jocks. That's right, grasshoppers, the MASTER is gonna teach something valuable. I know alot of you feel discouraged, feel like the jocks in your school are 'untouchable.' The jocks feel the same way too. However, you all sell yourselves short. Inside every 'bookworm' who'd rather learn something useful than go chase a stupid ball, there is a seething Jock-crushing monster who's downright sick of it all. Sick of the Jocks, sick of the apparent worship of jocks, and sick of all the attention they get from high-school bitches. Sick of the emphasis on sports over actual LEARNING. That's right. You're all trying to better yourself, but a bunch of mouthbreathers in school uniforms get all the perks and breaks. Doesn't that make you pissed? What if you ever had a girlfriend cheat on you with a Jock? (never happened to me, but I had the bastard try... *growls and foams at mouth*) Are you angry NOW? GOOD! Use it wisely grasshoppers.

RULE NUMBER ONE: A jock is always used to being the 'aggressor.' You'd be amazed, how fast the chest-beating and macho posturing disappears, when someone rushes THEM. They never expect it. It's like a complete blindside. It's a beautiful maneuver, learn it well. Take a page from their OWN book, and take the big oaf down with a flying tackle. Try to grab his shoulders and put your feet into his chest, and hang on, because I can promise you he'll be going down if you do it right.

Once you have your Jock down, what do you do? Well, try sitting on his chest. It works better if you're heagvier, but the further forward you sit, the less they can move. OK, Jock-boy ain't going nowhere, what next?

Well, he'll probably try to swing. Dodge with your head. If he does hit you, ignore it. You can afford to feel the pain later. Get those arms under you as well, or grab both wrists with one hand, and pull them above his head. Congratulations. He is now your bitch. Feel free to punch him in the mouth with your free hand as many times as you can. Make 'em count too. If you're outside, and there's a rock within arm-reach, grab it and clock him in the skull with it. Cheap? Who cares, it's a stupid jock. Eventually, you'll get him dazed, and the REAL fun begins. Bend his arm at an unnatural angle and sharply strike the elbow with the rock. If no rock is available, experiment. See how far backwards you can bend it. Maybe turn around and start bashing his knee backwards? Be creative. Make it permanent. (You'll know how 'permanent' it is by how much noise he makes when you do it) If you see swelling develop, feel free to congratulate yourself. If he's complete KOed, get off, put your foot on his knee, grab his ankle, and PULL until you feel something give. Put your back into it. A human leg is hard to break.

Remember, beating a jock up is ALWAYS more fun if you manage to ruin any sports career he might have ever had. Bonus points if he ends up a drunk or drug addict because of it. Guilt? Why? He was a stupid prick and it serves him right. Remember that.

Now, this describes an ideal situations. However, violence is a random thing. Here are a few points to remember in all situations.

1: A jock usually has to get 'pumped up' before he can do anything, so while he's standing there talking big and getting all huffy, cut the bullshit and just deck him. Lightning speed, boys and girls, remember that.

2: he can't punch you if his arms are imobilized. If he swings, catch him by the wrist and try and bend a finger back. Or a couple. Don't stop until they break. And then punch his knuckles real hard so he screams and goes down.

3: NO MERCY! They never show anyone else any, why should they deserve it?

4: NO SUCH THING AS 'CHEAP.' Clubs, rocks, blindsides, attacks from behind, etc. All fair game. It's war, not play.

5: Kicking in the balls seems a likely solution, but most wear cups, and besides, it's very risky. Some get an adrenalin burst instead of going down.

Now, remember too, it's always better to do it in front of his whole team. You'd think they'd jump in, but surprisingly enough, most will just stand there and laugh at one of their own. Sports teach loyalty? BULLSHIT.

Now, boys and girls, I've imparted my wisdom. Go, grasshoppers, and ruin a potential sports career today.

YOU CAN DO IT! CUT HIS FUCKING BALLS OFF!

[BenHardingham]

Your just a tryhard pretending that you a hardcore jock basher. YEAH RIGHT!!!
Try and bash me up, i'm 6ft.2 and 90kgs, and i'm not fat.
i could knock the shit from you in two seconds!
So shut your fat mouth you dickhead!
Get a life!

[BenHardingham]

to mr cujo, causing permanent injuries to a person is fucking stupid. If you really hate them you would have killed them. Your so dumb, you don't figure that there will be any consequences. If you've done something like that to a person there gonna come back with a shotgun and empty the contents into your fat ass. Fuck! how dumb can a person be. Your probably dazzed from lack of sexual stimulation.

[Skul]

how dumb can a person be.

I love the irony, here.

[blast flame]

to mr cujo, causing permanent injuries to a person is fucking stupid. If you really hate them you would have killed them. Your so dumb, you don't figure that there will be any consequences. If you've done something like that to a person there gonna come back with a shotgun and empty the contents into your fat ass. Fuck! how dumb can a person be. Your probably dazzed from lack of sexual stimulation.

You tell him he should kill jocks and then talk about how actions have consequences....

[Skul]

This meathead makes it sound like there are no consequences for killing someone!

Then again, I guess going to jail is so regular for him, it doesn't seem like a consequence.

[Ray]

Your just a tryhard pretending that you a hardcore jock basher. YEAH RIGHT!!!
Try and bash me up, i'm 6ft.2 and 90kgs, and i'm not fat.
i could knock the shit from you in two seconds!
So shut your fat mouth you dickhead!
Get a life!

He's right. Jocks fall faster than a sack of potatos. I'm not gonna debate you. You'll just lie about how great you are. But jocks are like sports fans. Born followers. Bullies. Shallow, spineless maggots who go about in little gangs for security. Cujo could put da smackdown on you you'd never forget.

[CUJO THE NASTY]

Indeed I could, and indeed I have.

Jocks aren't shit to me. When I was 9, I used to bully a 7 foot tall 15 year old Jock. And I mean terrorize him. It was fun.

For the record, I weigh 124 lbs. Sure I got beat up alot as a kid... but have enough people swing on ya, you eventually learn to dodge fists or catch them in midair. Not like a jock punch hurts much. Gotta learn to swing, boys.

And I've never gone to jail, because any time I fought and or injured someone, it was because there were always a bunch ganging up on me. Cops call that self-defense, and frankly they thought it was too damn funny that a shrimp like me could make such big folks cry.

[Skul]

Jocks and sports fans don't feel safe unless they're in a big group. If they see someone they don't like, they attack in a swarm. However, put one out and they'll realise that they're not all as hard as they think they are.

ATTACK THEIR WEAK POINT FOR MASSIVE DAMAGE!