International I Hate Sports Club

The TV licence, like death and taxes, seems for most of us an inescapable burden.
But there are those who try to dodge the £142.50-a-year fee â?? and come up with
flagrant excuses when caught.

One told an official: â??My dog watches it while Iâ??m at work to keep him company â?? not me.â?? Another, caught red-handed, said: â??The subtitles on my TV are set to French so Iâ??m not paying a UK tax for something I canâ??t read.â??

A list of the worst excuses has been compiled by TV Licensing, whose officials have caught more than 280,000 people this year, helped by new hand-held devices that beep if an operating TV is within 29ft â?? a huge advance on the detector vans with their unwieldy antennas.

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One viewer, claiming financial hardship, said: â??My wife has her hair done twice a week, so we find it difficult to pay.â?? Another also blamed monetary woes: â??I havenâ??t renewed my licence because my wife flushed it down the toilet, along with my wallet.â??

Other excuses ranged from the brazen â??My husband has just spent £3,000 on this massive flatscreen digital TV so we canâ??t possibly afford a licenceâ?? to the bizarre â??I havenâ??t got a licence â?? I suffer from vertigoâ??, to the plain barmy: â??If I switch the television on Iâ??ll wake the Halloweâ??en spirits in my cupboard.â??

Animals featured in many tall tales. One evader said: â??I have not been making payments because a baby magpie flew in to my house and I have had to stay in to feed it.â??

Then there was the convoluted but nonetheless flawed reason: â??I couldnâ??t make my last payment as my baby was sick on my shoulder and I didnâ??t want to go to the shop smelling of sick because the guy I fancy works there.â??

TV Licensing spokesman Jon Shaw said: â??No matter how creative these excuses, people are breaking the law and risk prosecution and a fine of up to £1,000. We recognise some people may be struggling to pay and in this case we urge them to contact us so we can help them.

â??One favourite excuse was the man who said he forgot to pay as his girlfriend had hit him over the head with a hammer. Others include the viewer who said he had an Asbo so couldnâ??t go into the village to pay, and one who said, â??I canâ??t afford it. I have to pay my subscription for cable TV.â?â??

Several thousand rebels have refused to pay fees since 2002 in protest at what they see as BBC political bias. And journalist Charles Moore threatened to rebel if Jonathan Ross remained on the BBCâ??s payroll after leaving obscene messages for actor Andrew Sachs.

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