Seeing as it is nearly the end of November, I thought there sould be an official countdown to Christmas, to help us get into the Christmas spirit.
So 32 DaysTill Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Countdown to Christmas
-
Earl
- Member
- Posts: 2498
- Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 11:36 pm
- Gender: Male
- Location: somewhere in Texas, Oklahoma, or Louisiana
Re: Countdown to Christmas
Jingle bells,
Batman smells,
Robin laid an egg.
The batmobile lost a wheel,
and the Joker got away.
Batman smells,
Robin laid an egg.
The batmobile lost a wheel,
and the Joker got away.
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -- Oscar Wilde
Go, Montana State Bobcats!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRq4_uxM ... re=related
Go, Montana State Bobcats!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRq4_uxM ... re=related
-
Fat Man
- The Fat Man Judgeth
- Posts: 3301
- Joined: Fri Feb 13, 2009 5:08 am
- Gender: Male
- Location: El Paso, Texas, USA, 3rd Planet, Sol System, Milky Way, Local Cluster, Somewhere in The Cosmos!
- Contact:
Re: Countdown to Christmas
'Twas The Night Before Christmas
(Intellectual Version)
'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the
annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence,
kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this
potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus
musculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the
wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure
regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among
whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas.
The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective
accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual
hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through
their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head
coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness
when upon the avenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended
such a cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity
from my place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the precise source
thereof.
Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing
this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance
without, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline
precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian
itself - thus permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs to
behold a miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight
diminutive specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule,
aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly
apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his
ungulate motive power traveling at what may possibly have been more
vertiginous velocity than patriotic alar predators, he vociferated
loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted labia, and
addressed each of the octet by his or her respective cognomen - "Now
Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. - guiding them to the uppermost exterior
level of our abode, through which structure I could readily distinguish the
concatenations of each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities.
As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was performing a
180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved - with utmost
celerity and via a downward leap - entry by way of the smoke passage. He
was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebony residue from
oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on the walls
thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I attributed largely to the
plethora of assorted playthings which he bore dorsally in a commodious
cloth receptacle.
His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his submaxillary
dermal indentations gave every evidence of engaging amiability. The
capillaries of his malar regions and nasal appurtenance were engorged with
blood which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the former approximating the
coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus avium,
or sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and supralabials resembled nothing so
much as a common loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment
appeared like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.
Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking piece whose grey
fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive
of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider than it was
high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region
undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical
container. He was, in short, neither more nor less than an obese, jocund,
multigenarian gnome, the optical perception of whom rendered me visibly
frolicsome despite every effort to refrain from so being. By rapidly
lowering and then elevating one eyelid and rotating his head slightly to
one side, he indicated that trepidation on my part was groundless.
Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the
aforementioned appended hosiery with various of the aforementioned
articles of merchandise extracted from his aforementioned previously
dorsally transported cloth receptacle. Upon completion of this task,
he executed an abrupt about-face, placed a single manual digit in
lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium
forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and forthwith effected his
egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage. He then
propelled himself in a short vector onto his conveyance, directed a
musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral sphincter to the
antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a
movement hitherto observable chiefly among the seed-bearing portions
of a common weed. But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible
immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond the limits of
visibility: "Ecstatic Yuletide to the planetary constituency, and to
that self same assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a salubriously
beneficial and gratifyingly pleasurable period between sunset and
dawn."
Yeah! I know!
HUH?!?
'Twas The Night Before Christmas, Legal Version
(Legal Version) Author Unknown
Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain
improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of
stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.
A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and
around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/
St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime
thereafter.
The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House, were
located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations,
i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited
to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in
said dreams.
Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as
"I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the parts of the
second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained
period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of
headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.)
Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the
unimproved real property adjacent and appurtent to said House, i.e. the lawn, a
certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party of
the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the
cause of such disturbance.
At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of
wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter the "Vehicle") being
pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8)
reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the
previously referenced Claus.
Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the
approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal
co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder
and Blitzen (hereinafter the "Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is
further asserted that an additional co-conspirator named Rudolph may have been
involved.)
The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer
intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences
located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle
was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or
nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or
implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the
chimney.
Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue
from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the
aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what
appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances
and health regulations.
Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of the minor
children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts.
(Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the
applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.) Upon completion of such task, Claus
touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of
the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as
"lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination.
However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House,
the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry
Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words to that effect.
Again! HUH!?!
(Intellectual Version)
'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the
annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence,
kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this
potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus
musculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the
wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure
regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among
whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas.
The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective
accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual
hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through
their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head
coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness
when upon the avenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended
such a cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity
from my place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the precise source
thereof.
Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing
this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance
without, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline
precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian
itself - thus permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs to
behold a miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight
diminutive specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule,
aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly
apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his
ungulate motive power traveling at what may possibly have been more
vertiginous velocity than patriotic alar predators, he vociferated
loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted labia, and
addressed each of the octet by his or her respective cognomen - "Now
Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. - guiding them to the uppermost exterior
level of our abode, through which structure I could readily distinguish the
concatenations of each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities.
As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was performing a
180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved - with utmost
celerity and via a downward leap - entry by way of the smoke passage. He
was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebony residue from
oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on the walls
thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I attributed largely to the
plethora of assorted playthings which he bore dorsally in a commodious
cloth receptacle.
His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his submaxillary
dermal indentations gave every evidence of engaging amiability. The
capillaries of his malar regions and nasal appurtenance were engorged with
blood which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the former approximating the
coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus avium,
or sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and supralabials resembled nothing so
much as a common loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment
appeared like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.
Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking piece whose grey
fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive
of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider than it was
high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region
undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical
container. He was, in short, neither more nor less than an obese, jocund,
multigenarian gnome, the optical perception of whom rendered me visibly
frolicsome despite every effort to refrain from so being. By rapidly
lowering and then elevating one eyelid and rotating his head slightly to
one side, he indicated that trepidation on my part was groundless.
Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the
aforementioned appended hosiery with various of the aforementioned
articles of merchandise extracted from his aforementioned previously
dorsally transported cloth receptacle. Upon completion of this task,
he executed an abrupt about-face, placed a single manual digit in
lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium
forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and forthwith effected his
egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage. He then
propelled himself in a short vector onto his conveyance, directed a
musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral sphincter to the
antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a
movement hitherto observable chiefly among the seed-bearing portions
of a common weed. But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible
immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond the limits of
visibility: "Ecstatic Yuletide to the planetary constituency, and to
that self same assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a salubriously
beneficial and gratifyingly pleasurable period between sunset and
dawn."
Yeah! I know!
HUH?!?
'Twas The Night Before Christmas, Legal Version
(Legal Version) Author Unknown
Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain
improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of
stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.
A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and
around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/
St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime
thereafter.
The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House, were
located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations,
i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited
to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in
said dreams.
Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as
"I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the parts of the
second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained
period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of
headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.)
Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the
unimproved real property adjacent and appurtent to said House, i.e. the lawn, a
certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party of
the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the
cause of such disturbance.
At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of
wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter the "Vehicle") being
pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8)
reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the
previously referenced Claus.
Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the
approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal
co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder
and Blitzen (hereinafter the "Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is
further asserted that an additional co-conspirator named Rudolph may have been
involved.)
The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer
intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences
located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle
was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or
nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or
implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the
chimney.
Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue
from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the
aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what
appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances
and health regulations.
Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of the minor
children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts.
(Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the
applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.) Upon completion of such task, Claus
touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of
the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as
"lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination.
However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House,
the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry
Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words to that effect.
Again! HUH!?!
I'm fat and sassy! I love to sing & dance & stomp my feet & really rock your world!All I want to hear from an ex-jock is "Will that be paper or plastic?" After that he can shut the fuck up!
Heah comes da judge! Heah comes da judge! Order in da court 'cuz heah comes da judge!
-
Fat Man
- The Fat Man Judgeth
- Posts: 3301
- Joined: Fri Feb 13, 2009 5:08 am
- Gender: Male
- Location: El Paso, Texas, USA, 3rd Planet, Sol System, Milky Way, Local Cluster, Somewhere in The Cosmos!
- Contact:
Re: Countdown to Christmas
The Night Before Chanukah
'Twas the night before Chanukah, boichiks and maidels
Not a sound could be heard, not even the dreidels
The menorah was set by the chimney alight
In the kitchen, the Bubbie was hopping a bite
Salami, Pastrami, a glaisele tay
And zoyere pickles mit bagels-- Oy vay!
Gezint and geschmock the kinderlach felt
While dreaming of taiglach and Chanukah gelt
The alarm clock was sitting, a kloppin' and tickin'
And Bubbie was carving a shtickele chicken
A tummel arose, like the wildest k'duchas
Santa had fallen right on his tuchas!
I put on my slippers, ains, tzvay, drei
While Bubbie was eating herring on rye
I grabbed for my bathrobe and buttoned my gottkes
And Bubbie was just devouring the latkes
To the window I ran, and to my surprise
A little red yarmulka greeted my eyes.
When he got to the door and saw the menorah
"Yiddishe kinder," he cried, "Kenahorah!"
I thought I was in a Goyishe hoise!
As long as I'm here, I'll leave a few toys."
"Come into the kitchen, I'll get you a dish
Mit a gupel, a leffel, and a shtickele fish."
With smacks of delight he started his fressen
Chopped liver, knaidlach, and kreplach gegessen
Along with his meal he had a few schnapps
When it came to eating, this boy sure was tops
He asked for some knishes with pepper and salt
But they were so hot he yelled out "Gevalt!"
He loosened his hoysen and ran from the tish
"Your koshereh meals are simply delish!"
As he went through the door he said "See y'all later
I'll be back next Pesach in time for the seder!"
So, hutzmir and zeitzmir and "Bleibtz mir gezint"
he called out cheerily into the wind.
More rapid than eagles, his prancers they came
As he whistled and shouted and called them by name
"Come, Izzie, now Moishe, now Yossel and Sammy!
On Oyving, and Maxie, and Hymie and Manny!"
He gave a geshrai, as he drove out of sight
"A gut yontiff to all, and to all a good night!"
Anon
'Twas the night before Chanukah, boichiks and maidels
Not a sound could be heard, not even the dreidels
The menorah was set by the chimney alight
In the kitchen, the Bubbie was hopping a bite
Salami, Pastrami, a glaisele tay
And zoyere pickles mit bagels-- Oy vay!
Gezint and geschmock the kinderlach felt
While dreaming of taiglach and Chanukah gelt
The alarm clock was sitting, a kloppin' and tickin'
And Bubbie was carving a shtickele chicken
A tummel arose, like the wildest k'duchas
Santa had fallen right on his tuchas!
I put on my slippers, ains, tzvay, drei
While Bubbie was eating herring on rye
I grabbed for my bathrobe and buttoned my gottkes
And Bubbie was just devouring the latkes
To the window I ran, and to my surprise
A little red yarmulka greeted my eyes.
When he got to the door and saw the menorah
"Yiddishe kinder," he cried, "Kenahorah!"
I thought I was in a Goyishe hoise!
As long as I'm here, I'll leave a few toys."
"Come into the kitchen, I'll get you a dish
Mit a gupel, a leffel, and a shtickele fish."
With smacks of delight he started his fressen
Chopped liver, knaidlach, and kreplach gegessen
Along with his meal he had a few schnapps
When it came to eating, this boy sure was tops
He asked for some knishes with pepper and salt
But they were so hot he yelled out "Gevalt!"
He loosened his hoysen and ran from the tish
"Your koshereh meals are simply delish!"
As he went through the door he said "See y'all later
I'll be back next Pesach in time for the seder!"
So, hutzmir and zeitzmir and "Bleibtz mir gezint"
he called out cheerily into the wind.
More rapid than eagles, his prancers they came
As he whistled and shouted and called them by name
"Come, Izzie, now Moishe, now Yossel and Sammy!
On Oyving, and Maxie, and Hymie and Manny!"
He gave a geshrai, as he drove out of sight
"A gut yontiff to all, and to all a good night!"
Anon
I'm fat and sassy! I love to sing & dance & stomp my feet & really rock your world!All I want to hear from an ex-jock is "Will that be paper or plastic?" After that he can shut the fuck up!
Heah comes da judge! Heah comes da judge! Order in da court 'cuz heah comes da judge!
-
Earl
- Member
- Posts: 2498
- Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 11:36 pm
- Gender: Male
- Location: somewhere in Texas, Oklahoma, or Louisiana
Re: Countdown to Christmas
Is it Yiddish that I need to learn?
? Ugh! What a combination! 
"Izzie"? "Sammy"? Is that Izzy Kalman and SamdamanFat Man wrote:"Come, Izzie, now Moishe, now Yossel and Sammy! ... "
? Ugh! What a combination! "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -- Oscar Wilde
Go, Montana State Bobcats!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRq4_uxM ... re=related
Go, Montana State Bobcats!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRq4_uxM ... re=related
-
Fat Man
- The Fat Man Judgeth
- Posts: 3301
- Joined: Fri Feb 13, 2009 5:08 am
- Gender: Male
- Location: El Paso, Texas, USA, 3rd Planet, Sol System, Milky Way, Local Cluster, Somewhere in The Cosmos!
- Contact:
Re: Countdown to Christmas
THE ONION AND THE CHRISTMAS TREE
The family is sitting at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?"
The father, surprised, answers, "Well son, there's three kinds of breasts.
In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm.
In her thirties and forties, they are like pears, still nice, but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions," asks the son"
"Yes, you see them, and they make you cry."
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter says,
"Mom, how many types of "willies" are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases.
In his twenties, his Willie is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his thirties and forties, it's like a birch tree, flexible but reliable.
After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes dear. Dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."
The family is sitting at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?"
The father, surprised, answers, "Well son, there's three kinds of breasts.
In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm.
In her thirties and forties, they are like pears, still nice, but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions," asks the son"
"Yes, you see them, and they make you cry."
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter says,
"Mom, how many types of "willies" are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases.
In his twenties, his Willie is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his thirties and forties, it's like a birch tree, flexible but reliable.
After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes dear. Dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."
I'm fat and sassy! I love to sing & dance & stomp my feet & really rock your world!All I want to hear from an ex-jock is "Will that be paper or plastic?" After that he can shut the fuck up!
Heah comes da judge! Heah comes da judge! Order in da court 'cuz heah comes da judge!
-
Fat Man
- The Fat Man Judgeth
- Posts: 3301
- Joined: Fri Feb 13, 2009 5:08 am
- Gender: Male
- Location: El Paso, Texas, USA, 3rd Planet, Sol System, Milky Way, Local Cluster, Somewhere in The Cosmos!
- Contact:
Re: Countdown to Christmas
Here's a really cool modern up-to-date version of Jingle Bells.
Kevin Bloody Wilson - Ho Ho Fucking Ho (with lyrics)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MfbR7JAzSo
Ho Ho Fucking Ho
Monty Python
(Jingle Bells)
(Chorus)
Ho ho fucking ho,
What a crock o' shit,
We all work for Santa Claus,
We've had enough, we quit.
Cos we do all the fuckin' work while he stars in the show,
Stick yer Christmas up yer ass, ho ho fucking ho.
I'm Rudolph and I quit.
Just who's he think he is?
That little fat cunt sat back in the sleigh,
crackin' that fuckin' whip.
And me stuck up the front, with these other useless cunts,
Stick yer Christmas up yer ass, ho ho fucking ho.
(Chorus)
Ho ho fucking ho,
What a crock o' shit,
We all work for Santa Claus,
We've had enough, we quit.
Cos we do all the fuckin' work while he stars in the show,
Stick yer Christmas up yer ass, ho ho fucking ho.
And what about us elves,
we've had enough as well,
workin' in that freezing factory, it's cold as fucking hell,
we work until we drop, with our bollocks freezin' off,
stick yer Christmas up yer ass, ho ho fucking ho.
(Chorus)
Ho ho fucking ho,
What a crock o' shit,
We all work for Santa Claus,
We've had enough, we quit.
Cos we do all the fuckin' work while he stars in the show,
Stick yer Christmas up yer ass, ho ho fucking ho.
I'm Santa Claus' wife,
I know what he's really like,
sneakin' into them little kid's rooms
he's a fuckin' paedophile,
A devious old drunk,
and I'm married to the cunt,
So stick yer Christmas up yer ass, ho ho fucking ho.
(Chorus)
Ho ho fucking ho,
What a crock o' shit,
We all work for Santa Claus,
We've had enough, we quit.
Cos we do all the fuckin' work while he stars in the show,
Stick yer Christmas up yer ass, ho ho fucking ho.
Stick yer Christmas up yer ass, ho ho fucking ho.
Stick yer Christmas up yer ass, ho ho fucking ho.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Kevin Bloody Wilson - Ho Ho Fucking Ho (with lyrics)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MfbR7JAzSo
Ho Ho Fucking Ho
Monty Python
(Jingle Bells)
(Chorus)
Ho ho fucking ho,
What a crock o' shit,
We all work for Santa Claus,
We've had enough, we quit.
Cos we do all the fuckin' work while he stars in the show,
Stick yer Christmas up yer ass, ho ho fucking ho.
I'm Rudolph and I quit.
Just who's he think he is?
That little fat cunt sat back in the sleigh,
crackin' that fuckin' whip.
And me stuck up the front, with these other useless cunts,
Stick yer Christmas up yer ass, ho ho fucking ho.
(Chorus)
Ho ho fucking ho,
What a crock o' shit,
We all work for Santa Claus,
We've had enough, we quit.
Cos we do all the fuckin' work while he stars in the show,
Stick yer Christmas up yer ass, ho ho fucking ho.
And what about us elves,
we've had enough as well,
workin' in that freezing factory, it's cold as fucking hell,
we work until we drop, with our bollocks freezin' off,
stick yer Christmas up yer ass, ho ho fucking ho.
(Chorus)
Ho ho fucking ho,
What a crock o' shit,
We all work for Santa Claus,
We've had enough, we quit.
Cos we do all the fuckin' work while he stars in the show,
Stick yer Christmas up yer ass, ho ho fucking ho.
I'm Santa Claus' wife,
I know what he's really like,
sneakin' into them little kid's rooms
he's a fuckin' paedophile,
A devious old drunk,
and I'm married to the cunt,
So stick yer Christmas up yer ass, ho ho fucking ho.
(Chorus)
Ho ho fucking ho,
What a crock o' shit,
We all work for Santa Claus,
We've had enough, we quit.
Cos we do all the fuckin' work while he stars in the show,
Stick yer Christmas up yer ass, ho ho fucking ho.
Stick yer Christmas up yer ass, ho ho fucking ho.
Stick yer Christmas up yer ass, ho ho fucking ho.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
I'm fat and sassy! I love to sing & dance & stomp my feet & really rock your world!All I want to hear from an ex-jock is "Will that be paper or plastic?" After that he can shut the fuck up!
Heah comes da judge! Heah comes da judge! Order in da court 'cuz heah comes da judge!
-
Fat Man
- The Fat Man Judgeth
- Posts: 3301
- Joined: Fri Feb 13, 2009 5:08 am
- Gender: Male
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- Contact:
Re: Countdown to Christmas
OK, you all remember the song, Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer.
Well, here is a parody of Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer by Elmo & Patsy (R. Brook), Kris Publishing Co./Elmo Publishing (SESAC)
New lyrics by Cledus T. Judd and Bruce Burch, La-Po Music (BMI)/Bruce Burch Publishing (SESAC)
Grandpa Got Run Over by a John Deere
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Msf_dzX ... re=related
And here are the lyrics to the song.
Grandpa Got Run Over by a John Deere
CHORUS
Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere
Walking home from the Moose Lodge Christmas Eve.
Now you can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But after suing John Deere, I believe...
He'd been a-guzzlin' old Jack Daniels
And smokin' that wacky weed-
He mixed it with his medication
And run off with some bleach-blond named Bernice.
When we found him Christmas mornin'
We thought he had a heart attack.
But he had tar prints on his forehead
And incriminatin' hickies on his neck.
(ON HIS WHAT???)
(Chorus)
Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere
Walking home from the Moose Lodge Christmas Eve.
Now you can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But after suing John Deere, I believe...
Now we're all ashamed of Grandpa.
He took Grandma's death too well.
Started watchin' porno movies
And engaging in phone sex with Cousin Belle.
It's a better Christmas without Grandpa
Last year in church, he mooned the choir.
At first, we thought it was Alzheimer's,
But looking back, we realized he was wired.
(Chorus)
Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere
Walking home from the Moose Lodge Christmas Eve.
Now you can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But after suing John Deere, I believe...
Yeah, I filed myself a lawsuit
And they awarded me two mil. (YEE HA! I'M RICH!!!)
You know Grandpa didn't leave me nuthin',
But thanks to that old John Deere, he got killed. (AW!!!)
Funny, all my friends and neigh-bras
Turned up on the grand jury,
I bribed 'em like Johnny Cochran
Did when they set O.J. Simpson free.
(GUILTY!!!)
(Chorus)
Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere
Walking home from the Moose Lodge Christmas Eve.
Now you can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But after suing John Deere, I believe...
Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere
Walking home from the Moose Lodge Christmas Eve.
Now you can say there's no such thing as Santa, (HO! HO! HO!)
But after suing John Deere, I believe...
This forum posting was sponsored by John Deere.
Have a happy holiday!
Well, here is a parody of Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer by Elmo & Patsy (R. Brook), Kris Publishing Co./Elmo Publishing (SESAC)
New lyrics by Cledus T. Judd and Bruce Burch, La-Po Music (BMI)/Bruce Burch Publishing (SESAC)
Grandpa Got Run Over by a John Deere
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Msf_dzX ... re=related
And here are the lyrics to the song.
Grandpa Got Run Over by a John Deere
CHORUS
Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere
Walking home from the Moose Lodge Christmas Eve.
Now you can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But after suing John Deere, I believe...
He'd been a-guzzlin' old Jack Daniels
And smokin' that wacky weed-
He mixed it with his medication
And run off with some bleach-blond named Bernice.
When we found him Christmas mornin'
We thought he had a heart attack.
But he had tar prints on his forehead
And incriminatin' hickies on his neck.
(ON HIS WHAT???)
(Chorus)
Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere
Walking home from the Moose Lodge Christmas Eve.
Now you can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But after suing John Deere, I believe...
Now we're all ashamed of Grandpa.
He took Grandma's death too well.
Started watchin' porno movies
And engaging in phone sex with Cousin Belle.
It's a better Christmas without Grandpa
Last year in church, he mooned the choir.
At first, we thought it was Alzheimer's,
But looking back, we realized he was wired.
(Chorus)
Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere
Walking home from the Moose Lodge Christmas Eve.
Now you can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But after suing John Deere, I believe...
Yeah, I filed myself a lawsuit
And they awarded me two mil. (YEE HA! I'M RICH!!!)
You know Grandpa didn't leave me nuthin',
But thanks to that old John Deere, he got killed. (AW!!!)
Funny, all my friends and neigh-bras
Turned up on the grand jury,
I bribed 'em like Johnny Cochran
Did when they set O.J. Simpson free.
(GUILTY!!!)
(Chorus)
Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere
Walking home from the Moose Lodge Christmas Eve.
Now you can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But after suing John Deere, I believe...
Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere
Walking home from the Moose Lodge Christmas Eve.
Now you can say there's no such thing as Santa, (HO! HO! HO!)
But after suing John Deere, I believe...
This forum posting was sponsored by John Deere.
Have a happy holiday!
I'm fat and sassy! I love to sing & dance & stomp my feet & really rock your world!All I want to hear from an ex-jock is "Will that be paper or plastic?" After that he can shut the fuck up!
Heah comes da judge! Heah comes da judge! Order in da court 'cuz heah comes da judge!
-
Skul
- Forum Admin
- Posts: 763
- Joined: Tue May 30, 2006 11:33 pm
- Gender: Male
- Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Re: Countdown to Christmas
Awesome! Kind of reminds me of this video:Fat Man wrote:Here's a really cool modern up-to-date version of Jingle Bells.
Kevin Bloody Wilson - Ho Ho Fucking Ho (with lyrics)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MfbR7JAzSo
Ricky Tomlinson - Christmas, My Arse
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YJBYw9f ... re=related
Same old tinsel,
Same old tree,
I'm lookin' at you,
You're starin' at me,
Turkey, Queen and silly party games.
Nana's Drunk,
We've had a few,
You're starin' at me,
I'm still lookin' at you,
Every year it's just the bloody same.
Grab a girl under the mistletoe,
Sing along with the old banjo,
Punch the air and sing,
Christmas - my arse.
Christmas comes but once a year,
Loads of laughs and loads of tears,
Close the door,
And kiss the year goodbye.
C'mon let's sing loud and clear,
Have one mince pie,
Twelve pints of beer,
Raise your glass, sing,
Christmas - my arse
The telly's crap,
There ain't no snow,
The pubs are shut,
No place to go,
Del and Rodney on the box again.
The crackers go bang,
While the nuts are locked up,
Cliff bloody Richards got number one!!
The mother-in-law is driving me insane.
The carol singers knocking every day,
They get real mad 'cos I never pay,
Punch the air and sing,
Christmas - my arse.
Christmas comes but once a year,
Loads of laughs and loads of tears,
Close the door,
And kiss the year goodbye.
C'mon let's sing loud and clear,
Have one mince pie,
Twelve pints of beer,
Raise your glass, sing,
Christmas - my arse
It's your last chance, so let it all out,
Time for you to scream and shout,
Punch the air and sing,
Christmas - my arse.
Christmas comes but once a year,
Loads of laughs and loads of tears,
Close the door,
And kiss the year goodbye.
C'mon let's sing loud and clear,
Have one mince pie,
Twelve pints of beer,
Raise your glass sing,
Christmas - my arse.
My arse (x4)
My AAAAAAARRRRRRSSSSSEEEEE!
This is also a good one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0
Forum Rules
SportsSuck.org. Bringing you the truth... no matter how bad it hurts.
Love and Tolerance!
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Love and Tolerance!
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Fat Man
- The Fat Man Judgeth
- Posts: 3301
- Joined: Fri Feb 13, 2009 5:08 am
- Gender: Male
- Location: El Paso, Texas, USA, 3rd Planet, Sol System, Milky Way, Local Cluster, Somewhere in The Cosmos!
- Contact:
Re: Countdown to Christmas
Yeah, I don't celebrate Xmas anymore!Skul wrote:Awesome! Kind of reminds me of this video:Fat Man wrote:Here's a really cool modern up-to-date version of Jingle Bells.
Kevin Bloody Wilson - Ho Ho Fucking Ho (with lyrics)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MfbR7JAzSo
Ricky Tomlinson - Christmas, My Arse
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YJBYw9f ... re=related
As you all know, and as I have mentioned before, I'm in the process of converting to Judaism, so I'm actually much happier now.
I haven't had a tree since 1985. My dear mother passed on in June 2,1985. And when Xmas came, it just wasn't the same for me.
So ever since then, I would get really depressed during the Xmas season.
But ever since September of 2004, I have been going to a Reform Synagogue every Saturday on Shabbot for Torah Studies and Religious Services, so Xmas doesn't mean a thing to me anymore.
I still have a turkey on TURKEY DAY, but it too has lost all religious significance, because of it's history of the Puritans who were the most intolerant people. They claimed that they came here for their religious freedom and to escape persecution in England, but then, they turned around and persecuted anyone who was not of their religion, and the Puritans were especially violent toward the Quakers, a gentle people. And they also put the Native Americans through all kinds of Hell.
So, I don't call it "Thanksgiving" anymore. I just call it TURKEY DAY and use it as an excuse to eat, and really chow down.
And now, I like to celebrate this time of the year by making fun of Xmas.
My favorite holiday now is Chanukah or Hanukkah. It can be spelled either way.
It's not actually a religious holiday, but a celebration of a military victory.
Here is some information from a web site at:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanukkah
I won't quote the whole page, but only the highlights of the story.Hanukkah
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Hanukkah (Hebrew: ×?× ×?×?×?â??, pronounced [Ë?Ï?anuka], ('X a Kh sound almost like clearing your throat) also spelled Chanukah), also known as the Festival of Lights, is an eight-day Jewish holiday commemorating the re-dedication of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem at the time of the Maccabean Revolt of the 2nd century BCE. Hanukkah is observed for eight nights, starting on the 25th day of Kislev according to the Hebrew calendar, and may occur from late November to late December on the Gregorian calendar.
The festival is observed by the kindling of the lights of a special candelabrum, the nine-branched Menorah or Hanukiah, one light on each night of the holiday, progressing to eight on the final night. An extra light called a shamash (Hebrew: "guard" or "servant") is also lit each night for the purpose of lighting the others, and is given a distinct location, usually above or below the rest.
In the United States, Hanukkah is considered as one of several primary holidays within the Christmas and holiday season.
Now, here is were it gets interesting, concerning the Jews military victory over the Assyrians.Origins of the holiday
From the Hebrew word for "dedication" or "consecration", marks the re-dedication of the Temple in Jerusalem after its desecration by the forces of Antiochus IV and commemorates the "miracle of the container of oil". According to the Talmud, at the re-dedication following the victory of the Maccabees over the Seleucid Empire, there was only enough consecrated olive oil to fuel the eternal flame in the Temple for one day. Miraculously, the oil burned for eight days, which was the length of time it took to press, prepare and consecrate fresh olive oil.
Hanukkah is also mentioned in the Deuterocanonical books of 1 Maccabees and 2 Maccabees. 1 Maccabees states: "For eight days they celebrated the re-dedication of the altar. Then Judah and his brothers and the entire congregation of Israel decreed that the days of the re-dedication... should be observed... every year... for eight days. (1 Mac. 4:56â??59)" According to 2 Maccabees, "the Jews celebrated joyfully for eight days as on the feast of Booths."
The martyrdom of Hannah and her seven sons has also been linked to Hanukkah. According to the Talmudic story and 2 Maccabees, a Jewish woman named Hannah and her seven sons were tortured and executed by Antiochus for refusing to worship an idol, which would have been a violation of Jewish law.
I believe that women are the real power behind Judaism.Judith and Holofernes
The eating of dairy foods, especially cheese, on Hanukkah is a minor custom that has its roots in the story of Judith. The Deuterocanonical book of Judith (Yehudit or Yehudis in Hebrew), which is not part of the Tanach, records that, Holofernes, an Assyrian general, had surrounded the village of Bethulia as part of his campaign to conquer Judea. After intense fighting, the water supply of the Jews is cut off and the situation became desperate. Judith, a pious widow, told the city leaders that she had a plan to save the city. Judith went to the Assyrian camps and pretended to surrender. She met Holofernes, who was smitten by her beauty. She went back to his tent with him, where she plied him with cheese and wine. When he fell into a drunken sleep, Judith beheaded him and escaped from the camp, taking the severed head with her (the beheading of Holofernes by Judith has historically been a popular theme in art). When Holofernes' soldiers found his corpse, they were overcome with fear; the Jews, on the other hand, were emboldened, and launched a successful counterattack. The town was saved, and the Assyrians defeated.
There is a longstanding Jewish tradition that Judith was the daughter of Yochanan the Kohen Gadol (and consequently a sister of Mattathias the Hasmonean and an aunt of Judah the Maccabee). In the Rema's gloss on the Shulchan Aruch he writes â??There are authorities (Kol Bo and the RaN) who say that one should eat cheese on Hanukkah, because the miracle was performed with milk that Judith fed the enemy.â?The Chofetz Chaim there adds in his Mishna Berurah on the words â??that Judith fed,â? â??She was the daughter of Yochanan, the Kohen Gadol. There was a decree that every espoused bride should submit to the dignitary first before the consummation of her marriage. She fed cheese to the head of the oppressors in order to intoxicate him and cut his head and they all fled.â?
Generally women are exempt in Jewish law from time bound positive commandments, however the Talmud requires that women engage in the mitzvah of lighting Hanukkah candles â??for they too were involved in the miracle.â?This account of Judithâ??s involvement with the events of Chanukah serves to explain the requirement of women to participate in the rituals of Hanukkah and the origins of the custom of eating dairy during the holiday.
Yeah, you gotta watch out for them Jewish women!!!
There is another interesting story that took place about 11 centuries BCE, when a prophetess named Deborah killed a military General as he slept, by driving a tent stake through his head and into the ground. This one is my favorite stories in Judges Chapter 4. This took place long before Chanukah or Hanukkah.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deborah
Deborah
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Deborah or (Hebrew: ×?Ö°Ö¼×?×?ֹרָ×?, Modern Tiberian DÉ?á¸?ôrÄh ; "Bee") was a prophetess and the fourth, and the only female, Judge of pre-monarchic Israel in the Tanakh (Old Testament). Her story is told twice, in chapters 4 and 5 of Judges.
Judges 5 gives this same story in poetic form. This passage, often called The Song of Deborah, may date to as early as the 8th century BC and is perhaps the earliest sample of Hebrew poetry.
It is also significant because it is one of the oldest passages that portrays fighting women, the account being that of Jael, the wife of Heber, a Kenite tentmaker. Jael killed Sisera by driving a tent peg through his temple as he slept. The account is interesting in that both Deborah and Jael are portrayed as strong independent women. The poem may have been included in the Book of the Wars of the Lord mentioned in Numbers 21:14.
Deborah's personal life
Little is known about Deborah's personal life. In the Book of Judges, it is stated that she was the wife of Lappidoth (meaning "torches"). But since this name is not found outside of the Book of Judges, it might simply mean that Deborah herself was a "fiery" spirit.
She was a poet and she rendered her judgments beneath a palm tree between Ramah and Bethel in the land of Ephraim. (Judges 4:5) Some people today refer to Deborah as the mother of Israel because of the "Song of Deborah and Barak" found in Judges 5.
After being oppressed by Jabin, the king of Canaan, in Hazor, for twenty years, (Judges 4:9) Deborah prevailed upon Barak to face Sisera, the commander of Jabin's army, in battle. The victory to which the Bible refers is the victory of an Israelite force of ten thousand over Sisera's force of nine hundred iron chariots. (Judges 4:10)
Barak agreed to the battle only after Deborah agreed to accompany him into battle. Judges 4:9 recounts Deborah's assent to Barak's request: "And she said, I will surely go with thee: notwithstanding the journey that thou takest shall not be for thine honour; for the LORD shall sell Sisera into the hand of a woman. And Deborah arose, and went with Barak to Kadesh."
According to the Biblical account, the Israelites went out to meet the army of Sisera in battle. When Deborah saw the army, she said, according to Judges 4:14: "Up; for this [is] the day in which the LORD hath delivered Sisera into thine hand: is not the LORD gone out before thee? So Barak went down from Mount Tabor, and ten thousand men after him."
As Deborah prophesied, the Lord gave the victory to the Israelites. The Egyptian leader, Sisera, fled the battle site seeking refuge in the tent of the woman Jael. In the Biblical account, Jael killed the enemy leader, Sisera. The Biblical account of Deborah ends in Judges 5. She was born in ancient Israel in 1184 b.c. and lived till 1224 b.c.
After the battle, there was peace in the land for forty years. (Judges 5:31)
When I read about how Deborah drove a tent stake through the head of the Canaanite General, Sisera, as he was sleeping, well, I kind of fell in love with Deborah. She's my kind of lady!
That's why I say women are the real power behind Judaism!
And that's why I think Chanukah or Hanukkah is so cool, because it actually celebrates a military victory, and anytime one is freed from a dictatorship, that is a cause to celebrate.
Shalom yo' all!!!
I'm fat and sassy! I love to sing & dance & stomp my feet & really rock your world!All I want to hear from an ex-jock is "Will that be paper or plastic?" After that he can shut the fuck up!
Heah comes da judge! Heah comes da judge! Order in da court 'cuz heah comes da judge!
-
Fat Man
- The Fat Man Judgeth
- Posts: 3301
- Joined: Fri Feb 13, 2009 5:08 am
- Gender: Male
- Location: El Paso, Texas, USA, 3rd Planet, Sol System, Milky Way, Local Cluster, Somewhere in The Cosmos!
- Contact:
Re: Countdown to Christmas
OK, here's a cute little song by Sarah Silverman, a young Jewish rock singer.
Give the Jew Girl Toys
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ptQovlExPFo&NR=1
And here are the song lyrics.
Give The Jew Girl Toys
Sarah Silverman
I hate to say this Santa, but youâ??re acting like a dick!
You should give presents to everyone thatâ??s good,
and not just to your personal clique.
If you bring me a toy to open Christmas morning
Iâ??ll let you be my boyfriend all bearded, fat, and horny.
Oh yeah! Oh yeah!
What does Jesus have to do with you?
Youâ??ve got as much to do with Jesus as you do with Scooby doo!
What do you have to do with Jesus?
You have as much to do with him
as you do your motherâ??s penis! Oh yeah!
Though I donâ??t think heâ??s the son of God,
I think he was still a nice boy.
If you ask yourself "what would Jesus do?"
Heâ??d say give the Jew girl toys.
Give the Jew girl toys. Give the Jew girl toys.
Donâ??t be a doosh! What would Jesus do?
Heâ??d say give the Jew girls toys.
(Spoken)
Kwaz â?? is that German?
Santa Claus, Santa Claus?
You made a list and I checked it twice,
and thereâ??s nobody named Silverman, or Moskowitz or Weiss.
You have a list, well, Schindler did too,
Liam Neeson played him, Tim Allen played you.
Give the Jew girl toy oy oy oy oys!
Donâ??t be a doosh! What would Jesus do?
Heâ??d say give the Jew girl toys.
Give the Jew girl toys.
Yeah Santa! Don't be such a douche-bag! Give the all good little Jew girls and all the good little Jew boys, toys!!! OK???
Oh! And don't forget Muslim children as well.
I believe that ALL children should have toys!
Ya got that? Ya douche-bag!!!
You're making us fat people look bad!
OK, Sarah Silverman, you may untie him now. I think he's learned his lesson.
Give the Jew Girl Toys
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ptQovlExPFo&NR=1
And here are the song lyrics.
Give The Jew Girl Toys
Sarah Silverman
I hate to say this Santa, but youâ??re acting like a dick!
You should give presents to everyone thatâ??s good,
and not just to your personal clique.
If you bring me a toy to open Christmas morning
Iâ??ll let you be my boyfriend all bearded, fat, and horny.
Oh yeah! Oh yeah!
What does Jesus have to do with you?
Youâ??ve got as much to do with Jesus as you do with Scooby doo!
What do you have to do with Jesus?
You have as much to do with him
as you do your motherâ??s penis! Oh yeah!
Though I donâ??t think heâ??s the son of God,
I think he was still a nice boy.
If you ask yourself "what would Jesus do?"
Heâ??d say give the Jew girl toys.
Give the Jew girl toys. Give the Jew girl toys.
Donâ??t be a doosh! What would Jesus do?
Heâ??d say give the Jew girls toys.
(Spoken)
Kwaz â?? is that German?
Santa Claus, Santa Claus?
You made a list and I checked it twice,
and thereâ??s nobody named Silverman, or Moskowitz or Weiss.
You have a list, well, Schindler did too,
Liam Neeson played him, Tim Allen played you.
Give the Jew girl toy oy oy oy oys!
Donâ??t be a doosh! What would Jesus do?
Heâ??d say give the Jew girl toys.
Give the Jew girl toys.
Yeah Santa! Don't be such a douche-bag! Give the all good little Jew girls and all the good little Jew boys, toys!!! OK???
Oh! And don't forget Muslim children as well.
I believe that ALL children should have toys!
Ya got that? Ya douche-bag!!!
You're making us fat people look bad!
OK, Sarah Silverman, you may untie him now. I think he's learned his lesson.
Last edited by Fat Man on Sun Dec 20, 2009 12:41 am, edited 1 time in total.
I'm fat and sassy! I love to sing & dance & stomp my feet & really rock your world!All I want to hear from an ex-jock is "Will that be paper or plastic?" After that he can shut the fuck up!
Heah comes da judge! Heah comes da judge! Order in da court 'cuz heah comes da judge!
-
Fat Man
- The Fat Man Judgeth
- Posts: 3301
- Joined: Fri Feb 13, 2009 5:08 am
- Gender: Male
- Location: El Paso, Texas, USA, 3rd Planet, Sol System, Milky Way, Local Cluster, Somewhere in The Cosmos!
- Contact:
Re: Countdown to Christmas
Hey Lewis!Lewis wrote:26 days!!!!!
Instead of just giving us a count down, why not post a funny poem or a link to a funny You Tube video, or something.
Yeah, I know most of the time I'm a mean ol' fat bitch, but sometimes, like all fat bitches, I can be quite jolly!
So, come on Dude! Like, post something amusing!
OK?
I'm fat and sassy! I love to sing & dance & stomp my feet & really rock your world!All I want to hear from an ex-jock is "Will that be paper or plastic?" After that he can shut the fuck up!
Heah comes da judge! Heah comes da judge! Order in da court 'cuz heah comes da judge!
-
Skul
- Forum Admin
- Posts: 763
- Joined: Tue May 30, 2006 11:33 pm
- Gender: Male
- Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Re: Countdown to Christmas
Here's something. The hilarious animated Christmas show, Father Christmas.
Part bloomin' 1
Part bloomin' 2
Part bloomin' 3
Part bloomin' 1
Part bloomin' 2
Part bloomin' 3
Forum Rules
SportsSuck.org. Bringing you the truth... no matter how bad it hurts.
Love and Tolerance!
SportsSuck.org. Bringing you the truth... no matter how bad it hurts.
Love and Tolerance!