an inspiring story

[Earl]

Earlier today I was making a Google search on bullying when I checked out the following website:

http://www.sherdog.net/forums/f48/have- ... dex14.html

I accessed a webpage from a topic entitled "Have a story about a bully? Get revenge? Get beat up? Share it here" in one of the website's Sherdog Mixed Martial Arts Forums. One of the posts caught my attention. It's dated 02-10-2010, 11:36 AM; and the forum member's username is SeefourDC. I've copied and pasted the post below:

Another funny story. I was a sophomore in highschool, about 6'1 and 240 pounds, football player. I was very peaceful and generally stayed out of any trouble outside of the general joking that highschoolers do. One of my friends was a really little guy... maybe 5'5 and 110 pounds, pretty frail. I only road the bus from time to time to get to school because I had some other friends who would drive me home most days so that we could hang out at their place or mine.. Well one day when I'm not on the bus these other punks shake up a full coke can and throw it as hard as they can at my little friend. Someone called his name right as the guy wound up and it ended up smashing through the bus window. I can only imagine what it would have done to his head.

The next day I get on the bus and call this kid a pussy in front of everyone for picking on a small person. He gets really red and doesn't say anything. I ride the bus each day for the next week, not messing with him but just to make sure they don't hurt my friend in retaliation. Well an entire week later this kid gets on the bus and says "So I heard you called me a pussy." I laugh and say "I hope you did, I said it to your face."

Long story short... he gets off at my bus stop with a few friends and while I'm taking off my jacket sucker punches me. I start laughing and he throws another punch... I catch his arm and pound his face for awhile while pinning his arm under mine. He then tries to pull my jacket over my head so I punch him in his diaphragm and then double leg takedown this kid. I end up full mount strangling him with one hand and punching his face with the other. He starts crying and calling for help, even calls his moms name for some strange reason.

As I start to let up one of his friends jumps in and kicks me in the side. He loaded up for a second kick and I deadleg him. The guy falls to the ground and goes into the fetal position. Another one of his friends jumps in and gets me in a rear choke hold... the kid got up and tried to kick me while his friend choked me but at that point a neighbor who had been watching stops the fight.

Long story short these guys tried to jump me three days later with his adult brother and some of his friends when I got off the bus.... they ended up behind some traffic and I ran halfway down the street. Luckily my father was outside and my dad is a monster of a man so the 4 adult guys run away. I got on the phone and one of my friends had just gotten out of jail and his brother who was notorious in our school for being a bad mofo helped me scare those assholes straight a day or two later.

As well as being funny, this incident is both touching and inspiring. I never saw anything like this in high school. I'm impressed that this high-school football player and his slightly built classmate were able to overlook the social boundaries of cliques and overcome the tendency of many teenagers to socialize with only those who are just like themselves. I'm also impressed that this football player obviously doesn't look down on his friend for being slightly built. Some adults would consider his friend to be a "feminized male" simply because he wasn't physically strong. Such boys are often called "wimps." As I've said before on more than one occasion, when I was 15 years old, an incompetent psychologist sent me to a judo instructor who epitomized machismo at its worst. When I visited him seven years after I had graduated from high school, he made several outrageous statements, one of which was that nonathletic men weren't "real men"; and he indicated that he had a real problem admitting that there were men of great courage who had never participated in any sport. I applaud this high-school football player for coming to the defense of his friend. So, again, I'm impressed with this player's tolerance and appreciation for others.

Prejudice sometimes is quite understandable, especially that which is based upon bad experiences with others in the past; but we must make a determined effort to view people as individuals, instead of as members of an "enemy" group. This is exactly what I had to do when I had graduated from high school. Prejudice is always painfully unfair to the individual who does not meet the negative stereotype.

Two formerly active members of this forum who were sincere (Notice my emphasis, Nick? ) critics of this website (Polite24 and SportsGuy92) remind me of this high-school football player. I believe that they were cut from the same cloth, to use a tired old cliche. I now regret that I as a moderator did not come to their defense when certain other members of this forum reacted towards them in a rude manner on various occasions, sometimes even resorting to name-calling. When they both indicated that sports should not be compulsory for nonathletic boys in mandatory P.E., no one expressed any appreciation for their stance. When someone on the other side meets you halfway or actually agrees with you on a particular issue, the appropriate reaction is to respond with a gracious attitude, instead of sarcasm.

[i_like_1981]

Ah, what a great story to read. It makes me a lot happier to know that there are actually strong, socially-gifted people out there in the world who will happily stand in to help those who are less fortunate and who quite clearly are only going to put themselves at further risk if they attempt to stand up for themselves. I wish one of the guys who was giving me hell back in high school could have had the good decency to see the wrong in what he was doing and at least acknowledge the fact I had done nothing to deserve any of it. Sadly it just didn't happen, and none of the others in my school decided to take a moral stand either. I get the feeling everybody condoned it to some extent, believing it was the natural order of things "the more popular expressing their dominion over the less popular". That seems to be how it works in most schools and I hear the problem is far greater over in America. Thankfully it gives me hope for some of the weaker members of the teenage society to know that there are strong ones who will gladly step in to help; be a friend to someone who needs it the most. I myself would have been embittered to read stories like this at the time I was being bullied as I'd have known that nobody in my area would have done the same for me, but now, I am glad to hear it. I am glad to hear that a few of these strong, popular, sporty student types do have good morals and know how to stand by them. All the best to the person mentioned in this post.

Best regards,
i_like_1981

[Earl]

I appreciate your post, i_like_1981. The only time Andy got into a fight when he was in high school was to stop a bully who had been picking on other students. Perhaps not many, but some bullies repent when they grow up. Over the last year or so, I've read a few posts at other websites from former high-school football players who had bullied other students, but now regret it. There may even have been classmates at your school who felt sorry for you, but did not have the moral courage to speak out. Many people feel the need to blend in with the crowd. They're afraid to speak out. Speaking as someone who grew up under Jim Crow in the United States, moral courage was definitely behind the civil rights movement. Some of the greatest acts of bravery (such as Wallenberg's wartime activities in Hungary) have been fueled by moral courage.

[Earl]

(i_like_1981, please read my post above, as this one is an afterthought.) I know what you mean. If I had read such a story when I was in high school, I probably would have been disinclined to believe it, as I too was surrounded by jerks. But over the years I've learned that there are decent guys like him out there.

[i_like_1981]

(i_like_1981, please read my post above, as this one is an afterthought.) I know what you mean. If I had read such a story when I was in high school, I probably would have been disinclined to believe it, as I too was surrounded by jerks. But over the years I've learned that there are decent guys like him out there.

Yes, while I've been active on forums like this and the Welcome Sports Haters thread on able2know (which I see has recently come back to life), I have learned that there are many decent athletic and socially-popular people out there. As I've said before, my school was certainly not like that and nobody who gave me shit ever apologised or even considered apologising to me but thankfully my high school was on the more scumbag-ish end of the spectrum. Now it's long over I suppose it's time to put behind what happened there and not take it out on every person who may share a similar interest or lifestyle to my old bullies. Gotta be fair.

Best regards,
i_like_1981

[Earl]

You're absolutely right, i_like_1981. When you move on, you're not excusing what they did to you. You're just not letting them continue to have power over you. They're not worth it. At the risk of offending some of the other members, they will answer to God some day, unless they seek His forgiveness on His terms. Like Katrin, you have grown. More power to you!

[Earl]

(If you haven't already done so, please read my post immediately above.) Of course, you can still rant about sports here in this forum where you'll have a sympathetic audience. That's what this forum is for.

[i_like_1981]

I suppose it was a while back now. I'd look a bit of an idiot to think that all people involved with sports were like my old bullies. It'd look worse because we're on an internet forum where we don't even know each other in real life. Might as well play it fair. But then again, those who want to rant should be entitled to rant. We're all different people.

Best regards,
i_like_1981

[The Imperialist]

Interesting story.

But I am not surprised. Martial art is developed so that the physically weaker man is able to defeat the stronger man.

Martial art IS what nerds should be learning. Military training should actually be good for nerds (nerds tend to follow orders as long as they are not unreasonable) as it separates them out from jocks who insist on trendy rebelliousness. Personal experience guranteed with me, as I am currently serving in the Combined Cadet Force (army section- Air Force are a bunch of weaklings who make no effort, and traditionally, we make fun of the Navy as they are supposedly gay, but oh well). It is quite fun getting the 'cool' kid in trouble and dishing out push ups, running around camps, cleaning my rifle (and shouting at them for having one spec of carbon in the barrel), shouting at them for rubbish shooting skills, shouting at them for tick-tocking while marching, shouting for not marching, shouting at them for having no sense of urgency, getting the commandant to kick them out of the contingent for insubordination etc. etc.

Oh I love the cadets. (But there are too many jock reserves, so it does get quite stressful- especially when people make fun out of your individuality for a few weeks before I, with help from two other NCOs gag them and drag them outside in the night, and because they insist sleeping with only their underwear on and because we are usually in northern England, we make them run around, pushups, etc. weare not allowed to do this, but no matter how many times they complain, there are no witnesses.... and we gag them so minimal disturbance in the night. Hahahahahaha....)

[Earl]

Interesting story.

But I am not surprised. Martial art is developed so that the physically weaker man is able to defeat the stronger man.

Martial art IS what nerds should be learning.

Agreed. Decades ago (ancient history) when I was an 8th-grader, a psychologist sent me to a judo instructor. Unfortunately, the instructor was not the right one for me, since he was a white former university football player who was afflicted with machismo and therefore viewed all nonathletic boys with disdain and comtempt. (Note: Some former players are not thus afflicted.) I mention his race because I suspect that Asians have more sense in this regard. I was promoted to brown belt, but I felt that I didn't deserve that promotion. I think he was patronizing me.

[The Imperialist]

Asians make a distinctive difference in their attitude towards sense of honour, and just pure stupid idiotic chauvinism.

Him promoting to brown belt? Hey, even if he was patronising you, take that chance. If they patronise you and give you leeway, use that to your advantage. Idiot spots people are succeptable to signs of physical superiority. If one wore dojo gear and walk into a bunch of idiot sportsmen, those sportsmen will not bother you (even if you look flimsy and weak). If you enter without dojo gear, and you do look flimsy and weak, they will bother you.

(Applies to sport) Those who are cocky and lose (a lot of them), say that they lost because they did not put all their effort in. Pffft. Still lost. They can howl all they like, but in war, once you lose, you lose. There is no comeback over the same situation.

[Earl]

Asians make a distinctive difference in their attitude towards sense of honour, and just pure stupid idiotic chauvinism.

I knew it! I knew I was right about Asians, as compared to white boneheads afflicted with machismo (as opposed to the knowledge of what constitutes true manhood).

To avoid any confusion, the following conversation between myself and my former white judo instructor, who is now an elderly man, took place eight years after I had quit taking judo lessons from him during my junior year in high school. He was a real mental case. He told me that he had no problem with bullying. He also told me that he once struck his son and had no idea why he did it. He seemed to be unable to grasp the reality of the fact that individual nonathletic men could be courageous. (By the way, to set the time frame for this exchange, these comments were made in 1976, when the Soviet Union was still a grim reality.) He actually denigrated Dr. Andrei Sakharov, the "father of the Soviet H-bomb" who had become a dissident and publicly condemned the atrocious human rights violations of the Soviet Union. I don't know enough about Sakharov to say if he ever participated in sports or not when he was a boy, but my judo instructor seemed to assume that he had been one of "them science nerds." He told me that only athletes (and perhaps men in a few "blue collar" vocations) were "real men." At the same time he denigrated nonathletic men, he was obsessed with my decidedly nonathletic father, who would drive me to the dojo before I got my driver's license. Although my father was not an "alpha male," he had overcome stuttering and a dysfunctional family background to become extremely successful in his chosen field of architecture. He was an extremely successful man who also had a sense of honor and even respected those who made a living in humble occupations. (So no one will make a false assumption about me, of course, I know there are individual male athletes who are honorable.) Anyway, my macho judo instructor seemed to be obsessed with my dad. I guess he was amazed that this nonathletic man was so successful. I also suspect that he was jealous of him. (And to think that the accusation is routinely made that nonathletes are jealous of athletes.) Within a year of this exchange with my former judo instructor, I asked my dad if he had liked him. He simply responded, "No."

Him promoting to brown belt? Hey, even if he was patronising you, take that chance.

I regret to say that this is ancient history (i.e., in the late 1960s). It's a past event in my life.

There were several problems with my taking judo lessons. My heart was not completely in it, as I had been ordered to take judo lessons by the psychologist to whom my parents had sent me when I was in the 8th grade. All the bullying I ever endured in school was verbal, not physical. Also, I felt inferior (and I'm sorry to have to say this) because I was physically weak and my physique was undeveloped. I didn't want to show off; I just wanted to feel physically stronger. But I didn't know what to do about it.

My psychologist should have realized that what I needed to do was to start working with a personal trainer on a bodybuilding program (which, as a middle-aged man, I've been doing for about the last two years) AND take lessons in some martial art or learn how to box. I realize that if I had challenged the jerks at my high school to have a fight after school at a convenient spot that they would soon have left me alone, being the cowards they were. But, unfortunately, when I was a teenager, I lacked self-confidence in spades and didn't have a clue.

Please excuse me if this is too personal. I'm not worried, though, about 4chan trolls using anything that I've said here, if they ever discover my identity. Nothing scandulous or personally embarrassing here.

[The Imperialist]

It is quite interesting actually.

But that Judo person. He must have been a complete idiot. (If he was one of those McCartherites...) Praising the blue collar workers for being real men, and assuming that all blue collar jobs are glorious and successful, he sounds like a teenage communist.

But another thing that strikes me is, how the hell did he manage to become a Judo instructor? If he belonged to a good, traditional, old Judo 'ryu', the people at those place would look at him (and hear him) and say, "He is only proficient in the physical art, but have not developed his heart" and would not have given this person his 'dan'.

And most martial arts instructor are actually more or less nice and gentle (not physically, but mentally) with percieved nerd. (That stops once the 'nerd' reaches a certain level of strength, then they start ramming in the 'whole works')

Oh woes. (What annoys me even more are jocks who practice these martial arts, know all the moves, but completely misses the point of martial arts. The mental side of martial arts. And continually lack any sense of honour)

[Earl]

I don't get your reference. In the early years of the Cold War, there was a conservative Republican Senator in the United States named Joseph McCarthy who gained some notoriety by claiming that Communists had infiltrated the federal government. He was definitely anti-Communist. The problem with McCarthyism is that sometimes innocent people were falsely accused of being Communists.

My former judo instructor has been a Republican for I don't know how long, which means that he is more conservative than he would be if he were a Democrat. There was a time in the United States when both of the major political parties had a left wing and a right wing; but over the last 30 years, both Democrats and Republicans became polarized, which means that today the majority of Democrats are liberal and the majority of Republicans are conservative.

Unfortunately, there has been an anti-intellectual component of American culture going all the way back to colonial times. Such a view regards intellectual men as being effete. (Never mind that history shows that many intellectual men have had great moral courage to the point of suffering persecution.) Many people in this country often refer to scientists as "pencil-necked geeks." Hence, my former judo instructor's inclusion of men in blue-collar professions as "real men."

My former instructor was trained in the martial arts in Japan while he was serving in the Korean War, or perhaps when it was over. I don't remember which.

There are at least two places in this website where I've related the story of my former white judo instructor. If I've already told you what I'm about to tell you now or if you've already read about it elsewhere in the website, please excuse. The whole time I took judo lessons from him, I always felt like an outsider, like I wasn't really appreciated or respected there. (I compare that with my current health club experience. As a confirmed gym rat, I feel like I belong there. I'm even on friendly terms with most of the personal trainers who work there.) Anyway, when I visited my former judo instructor eight years after I had quit taking judo lessons from him, I learned why I had felt like an outsider. I had felt that way because the instructor had viewed me as an outsider. He said, "Earl (not my real name), I saved you from homosexuality." Say what? At the time I thought "How can you save someone from something he doesn't want to do unless it's about to be forced upon him against his own will?" I now almost wish that I had told him to go soak his head. But if I had, I would have been running the risk of a violent reaction from him. He obviously knew more than enough to inflict considerable damage.

Why had he assumed that I had homosexual tendencies? (Remember, I'm a married man with two children of my own.) Because he had negatively stereotyped me as a "sissy" the very first day we met when I was in the eighth grade. Since I was physically weak at the time (but not today), wasn't interested in sports, and liked to read books, he assumed that I must have homosexual tendencies. I'm not kidding you! He really did. You see, that anti-intellectual mindset was at work. What's so amazing about this is that there have been men of great courage who never had any interest in sports.

Finally, I have to end this post on a positive note. I have worked with three different personal trainers at my health club -- not all at the same time, of course, but individually for reasons that have nothing to do with me. For example, my first trainer had to quit when he was admitted to a law school at a university that is out of state.

He was a very nice guy whom you would consider to be a man of honor. He was proficient in several sports (but not football), as well as judo, and was not a "meathead" (to use his own word). He was also academically smart. Sometimes he would vary the workout routine by showing me how to shoot a basketball or something like that. One day he offered to show me some judo techniques. I then told him about my former instructor and that he said that he had "saved" me from homosexuality. His reaction was priceless. I'll never forget it. He exclaimed, "WHAT?!!" Then he paused and said, "He should have had compassion." I could tell from the pained expression on his face that he was distressed by what my former instructor had said to me. I actually cherish that memory.

[The Imperialist]

Oh my point was, that praise of hard labour (and looking down upon intellectuals) is very communist (teenage communist), never mind Pol Pot.

'Saving one from homosexuality'? My, he sounds like a Catholic priest. (It he was one those hard core, fundamentalist Protestants, I would like to say this up to his face and spit upon his dishonourable and ugly face.)