International I Hate Sports Club

While not content with trying to force religion into the European Constitution, now the Catholic church is interfering into British politics. This week a Cardinal and an Arch Bishop have both threatened to with-hold Communion from Catholics who don't vote against abortion. Personally I always thought that it was a shame that the Virgin Mary never had a right to choose because then, we might have been spared 2000 years misery and bloodshed.

But it wasn't to be, and so, for Catholics, abortion has always been a tricky one, especially if you're using a knitting needle in a back alley which is the Catholic Churches preferred method. Because when it comes to Catholic dogma, human life is only scared if you obey the rules. Hence, no condoms for Africa. We don't want those people doing anything immoral, so we're just going to let them die! This is supposedly from an organization founded on the teachings of Jesus.

I'm not sure what teachings exactly, it must be the bit where Jesus talks about living in palaces full of art treasures, protecting pedophiles and collaborating with the Nazis. I haven't actually managed to find that passage myself but I'm sure it must be in the Gospel somewhere. And this is why I wasn't too surprised when I first heard the current Pope is in fact, an ex-Nazi, because to me, the Catholic church and Nazism go together naturally as Bibles and lynch mobs.

If you think of one, it's not difficult to think of the other. Indeed, I often thought that it was just bad luck for the Catholic church that Nazism never became respectable because they put all their chips on the number of the beast, but it just didn't happen for them, although the pope who actually collaborated with Hitler by ignoring the Holocaust is now being made a Saint for his trouble. That's right! Pious XII is being made a Saint which is going to be the cheekiest thing I have heard since Henry Kissinger had the nerve to accept the Nobel Peace Prize.

I'm not sure why the Catholic church exudes this aura of, not so much evil, as . . . well, actually yes, evil! I think this whole celibacy thing has a whole lot to answer for because there's got to be so much repressed energy there with nowhere to go, I mean, that's bound to cause a few short circuits. I can understand someone being celibate if that's how they're comfortable, but if you're doing it as a penance, denying your most powerful basic urges because you think that God is going to be pleased with you, well then, I think you should see a doctor, because those inner demons that you're struggling with so manfully are really nothing that a $20 dollar whore couldn't put right in a couple of minutes.

But of course you couldn't do that, because that would be sinful. Much better to insert your penis into a choir boy, and then carry on lecturing dying Africans on sexual abstinence. If any Cardinals or Bishops are watching this video, then let me ask you a question on a theological level. Is it more of a sin for a priest to rape a child while wearing a condom, or not wearing one? How much more evil is it to wear the condom? And would it be OK, i. e. would you keep quiet about it if he went to confession afterwards and truly repented? Until the next time?

The Catholic church has lost so much money on this scandal. They must be down to their last few billion by now. If you were Pope, wouldn't it make sense to try to add up all the sex abuse that's being committed so far, and then add up all the money that's being paid out in compensation? And then you might be able to work out exactly how much the church is paying for, say, one blow job, and whether it might be more economical to buy the same product from a professional sex worker. That way, you will be helping to employ somebody in a legitimate occupation, certainly more legitimate than the one yours is! Your Holiness, Your Eminence, Your Grace.

A little word of advice.

Clean your own stain glass windows before your start cleaning everybody else's and then, people might take you a little bit more seriously.

Peace.