I have been putting this off for far too long, but now I need to come clean once and for all.
I believe I have mentioned somewhere before in these forums that I'm the oldest of three kids in my family, and I believe that I mentioned that I have a younger brother, and my sister being the youngest.
Now, in a topic I had posted earlier this year THE HORSE THIEVES AMONG US!
http://www.sportssuck.org/phpbb2/viewto ... f=1&t=4425
I had mentioned the times I was suspended from school.
But what I have never mentioned was that my younger brother and sister disowned me, and were actually ashamed to be seen in public with me after I was suspended from school for three years when I was in the 7th grade.
And I had mentioned quite a few times here about having an emotional and mental breakdown and spending three weeks in a mental hospital.
Well, after that, my own brother and sister treated me like dirt, like I was an ex-convict or something, or even worse. Ex-mental-patients are looked down upon with even lower disregard than an ex-convict, even though I had never committed any crimes or broken any laws.
Of course, my mother stood by me, and we became very close through my emotional crises while I was trying to recover from what had happened to me.
That was when I was 17 years old back in 1969.
Then, back in 1974, my younger brother joined the Army and a few years later my sister also joined the Army. Naturally I knew the Army wouldn't take me, because when I turned 18 back in September 30,1969, I had to register for the draft, and the Army wouldn't take me for three reasons.
1.) Because of my crippled up left knee, I was unable to run and I would be unable to hike the long distance that would be required in Boot Camp.
2.) I was about 120 pounds overweight. They'll take you if you're only 50 pounds overweight because they can get that off from you once you're in.
3.) The fact that I spent three week in a mental hospital.
Well, I was actually glad that I didn't have to worry about getting drafted.
Ah! But after my dear sweet brother and my dear sweet sister joined the Army, they lorded it over me! They thought they were better than I was because the Army took them, while I was rejected!
They both looked down on me as a total reject, first rejected from school, and now, rejected by Uncle Sam! So they both thought they were better than I was.
OK, now lets go back to around 1970 or 1971.
We had moved out into the high desert where we had bought 2 acres of land at a development area named Moon Gate outside of Las Cruces New Mexico on the way toward the Organ Mountains.
Here are some more beautiful pictures of the Organ Mountains.
New Mexico's Organ Mountains Tribute
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbV2XPSgOEI
Las Cruces, New Mexico Organ Mountain (I've Been Through The Desert On A horse With No Name)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pV_-jvpsZFE&NR=1
Organ Mountain Sunrise - Native American Flute music
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0geWM3c ... re=related
People have died trying to climb these mountains. These are the kind of mountains that say "You may look, but don't touch!"
I loved the high desert. It was actually about 10 degrees cooler than it was back down in Mesilla Valley where Las Cruces was located. The Organ Mountains rose to over 9000 feet above sea level. Where we were living we were about 5000 feet, almost a mile above sea level, and Las Cruses was about 3,500 feet above sea level, so it was a little bit cooler on the high desert.
I loved it there because at night the sky was much darker and I enjoyed going out with my little 2.5 inch refractor telescope to observe the stars and planets.
I also enjoyed the desert, because I wanted to create a desert garden, so I would walk around out in the desert and bring back some cactus for my cactus garden.
Living out there was good for me, because after having come home from the mental hospital I very seldom wanted to go outdoors, because I felt shame, and of course, my own brother and sister only added to my feelings of shame.
But out at Moon Gate, living on the high desert, I enjoyed going outdoors again. I have always loved the high desert, so living there was good for me.
I love that which is beautiful, such as the high desert, high mountain ranges, the night sky. Astronomy is beautiful. Sports is ugly! Sports ruins people's lives, and I hated having the ugliness of sports imposed on me, and sports destroyed my family life and inspired the hatred my brother and sister had toward me, because they were ashamed of me for being suspended from school on three different occasions.
I was betrayed by my own brother and sister. They are traitors!
Anyway . . . . .
We lived out there for a couple of years, until my stepfather died then we had to move back to Las Cruces again, but I was happy when we were living out there at Moon Gate.
So, I would walk around out in the desert looking for cactus to transplant in my cactus garden.
But I also wanted to build my own little observatory out there. I had bought a kit from the Edmond Scientific Company so that I could grind and polish an 8 inch mirror to build my own Newtonian style reflector telescope, and after the Pyrex mirror blank was ground and polished, I would have to send it off to be aluminized, where they place the mirror blank in a small vacuum chamber and coat it with a thin layer of vaporized aluminum to about a millionth of an inch thick.
OK, this was back in 1970 and 1971 when my brother and sister were still going to high school, and I had been suspended from high school, and this was about a couple of years after my three week stay in the state mental hospital.
My brother was in the marching band. He played the trumpet, and he was damn good! My mother worked her butt off for him, getting his marching uniform altered so it would fit him properly and taking him to play in the high school concerts and marching in the football field during the night games. My mother worked very hard for him.
So, my mother felt that I deserved to have something for myself as well.
In order to work on grinding and polishing my concave mirror, I needed to keep my bedroom absolutely clean and as dust free as possible.
But my brother, he was going "Stomp" at the time, wearing cowboy boots and coming in from the desert all dirty and dusty after hunting with his air rifle and he kept hanging his dirty dusty jacket on the curtain rod in our bedroom.
I was a Hippie back then, having long hair and listening to rock music and I also enjoyed classical music, while my brother went "Stomp" listening to redneck music and wearing western clothes and coming in all covered with dust.
Well, we got into an argument over how he was getting dust all over my optical work causing scratches when I was in the polishing phase of my telescope mirror.
My brother got all pissed off, and he started pounding me on my back and kicking me in my left leg, my crippled up left knee, so even my own younger brother was a bully who liked to beat up on me.
Oh! And my sister, she was just as rotten. She once borrowed some of my records, one of my favorites was a 45 RPM with a song by Ed Aims, Who Will Answer, which she left laying on her desk in her bedroom, the sun beating down on it and it got all warped. I also had a large 33 RPM record with Space Odyssey 2001 which came out in 1968 I believe, and she had borrowed that from me, and never returned it. So, she liked to steal from me.
OK, over the years, my brother and I, we had been on and off speaking terms.
One day, back in 2003 I believe it was, we use to chat using the AOL Instant Message, and it was during one of our many disagreements that my brother finally came out with the truth.
HE TRIED TO MAKE AN ATTEMPT ON MY LIFE!!!
I never knew about this at the time, but he finally told me, that back in 1971, when were were living out there at Moon Gate, he was pissed off and went into a neighbor's house and stole a shot gun, and as he was leaving the premises, the owner of the house was out in the yard, and he grabbed the shot gun from my brother.
During our AOL Instant Message chat on the Internet, I asked my brother why he wanted to come after me with the shot gun, and he said that it was because I was being a disruptive influence in our family, that I was disrupting our family because I wanted to build a telescope and a small observatory outdoors, that my insisting on keeping the bedroom so immaculate was disrupting our family.
My brother and I shared the same bedroom. I only asked that he would not hang his dirty jacket on the curtain rod.
I also pointed out, that he had a brand new $150 dollar trumpet and our mother was working her butt off for him so he could play in the high school band, and she felt that I was at least entitled to my telescope mirror kit which I had ordered from the Edmond Scientific Company for a lousy $35 dollars.
Sometimes my brother would be practicing for hours on his trumpet and it was pretty loud. But we all listened because he was really good, and we were all proud of him, including me, I was proud of my brother because he was damn good! Yeah, I was proud of him even though my brother and sister were ashamed of me. So, there were times when I could not watch TV or listen to my records because my brother had to practice.
And he says I was disruptive to the family because I wanted to build a telescope???
I also wanted to get a guitar, and learn how to play it, but my stepfather objected, I was damn lucky to have anything at all, and it was only because my mother stood up for me.
And there were times when I needed new clothes or new shoes, but because of our limited income and our mother having to invest time and money in my brother because he was in the high school band, I sometimes had to make due wearing old clothes and worn out shoes.
Yeah! My own dear sweet brother wanted to blow me away with a shot gun! That ungrateful sanctimonious scum-bag piece of dog shit!!!
And recently, a couple of years ago, my brother dropped another bomb shell on me. When we were kids, our stepfather use to get drunk and beat up on my mother and I, however, my brother got along with our stepfather much better than I did.
Our stepfather passed on back in September 1971, about a month before his 80th birthday. He was a World War One veteran, and he was stationed in Germany. He was a tail-gunner in one of those bi-planes they had back then.
OK, now my brother and stepfather were much closer to each other while I was very close to my mother, so my brother got along with our stepfather better than I ever could.
Now here's the bomb shell my brother dropped on me back in 2008.
Back in the summer of 1971 when our stepfather became ill and was diagnosed with cancer of the colon, he knew that he didn't have much longer to live, so he wanted to clear his conscience before he died, so one day, my brother and our stepfather had a conversation together, while my mother and I were out somewhere. I always went out with my mother when we went out shopping or something in Las Cruces.
Anyway . . . . .
Our stepfather confessed to my brother during one of their many private conversations, that when he was stationed in Germany, he killed a security guard. Not an enemy security guard, but a US security guard, one of our own soldiers. He deliberately pushed the guy into a cold fast flowing river where he drowned, and his body was never recovered. And my brother knew about this for years, before he finally revealed it to me back in 2008.
So, all through out my teenage years, my mother and I lived with a killer in the house and never suspected it, and I lived with a potential killer, my own brother, and never knew it until he finally confessed it to me during an AOL private chat on line.
Oh! And by the way, my dear sweet brother has always voted Republican in all the Presidential Elections since we were both old enough to vote, and while I'm in the process of converting to Judaism, my brother became a Catholic back in 2004.
My brother also has racist attitudes and he's prejudice against us fat people!
AND BACK IN 1971 HE WANTED TO BLOW ME AWAY WITH A SHOT GUN!!!
Our mother passed on back in the summer of 1985, and she never knew about how my brother tried to steal a shotgun from a neighbor when we lived out at Moon Gate from March 1970 to September 1971. She never knew how he wanted to come after me with a loaded 12 gauge shot gun! And I didn't know about it, until he confessed it to me, almost bragging about it back in 2003 or 2004 during an AOL chat session on the Internet.
And, I have to live with this knowledge for the rest of my life!
Yeah, knowing that my own brother wanted to kill me!!!
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat because of dreams I can only vaguely remember.
YEAH! MY OWN DEAR SWEET BROTHER ONCE TRIED TO COME AFTER ME WITH A SHOT GUN!!!
I'm fat and sassy! I love to sing & dance & stomp my feet & really rock your world!
She doesn't like cliques any more than the rest of us.) She was also academically successful. (The women in my family -- namely, my sister and our mother -- were smart, intellectual women.) Yet she was very concerned about the troubles I had at school and never looked down on me. We've always been close and are still close today. What is the point I'm making? The fact that I'm trying to get across to you is that sports had nothing to do with your brother and half-sister treating you like dirt. I believe that the real reason they were ashamed of you was because you weren't a jerk like them. I wish that you could see that this was the case. Yes, you had trouble at school because of sports; but they really had nothing to do with your dysfunctional family. I wish you could see that your friend Earl is right about this.
