Arkansas Woman Killed in Mistaken Rapture

[Fat Man]

Ok, this is an old news story that I found on the Internet and I saved it to my personal computer files a couple of years ago.

DANGEROUSLY FUCKING STUPID

Well, this is really kind of funny, but it also pisses me off because some innocent people were injured, but thankfully, not seriously, and nobody got killed, except one stupid little bimbo who brought on her own death by her own stupidity!

I tell you! There are some of these religious Fundamentalist right-wing whack-jobs who are so fucking stupid! Sometimes dangerously fucking stupid!

This lady was the cause of other people getting injured, so she got what she deserved as far as I'm concerned. When you read this article, you'll see why it is both funny, and tragic.

It's funny because the stupid bimbo got killed, but it's tragic in that other innocent people got injured.

Anyway, here it is.

Arkansas Woman Killed in Mistaken Rapture

by Chris Peterson (aka Elroy Willis)
Saturday, August 25, 2008 5:05 PM

ARKANSAS CITY (EAP) -- A Little Rock woman was killed after leaping through her moving car's sunroof during an incident best described as a "mistaken rapture" by dozens of eye-witnesses.

Thirteen other people were injured after a twenty-car pile-up resulted from people trying to avoid hitting the woman, who was apparently convinced that the rapture was occurring when she saw twelve people floating up into the air, and then passed a man on the side of the road who she believed was Jesus. "She started screaming 'He's back! He's back!' and climbed out through the sunroof and jumped off the roof of the car," said Everet Williams, husband of 28-year-old Georgann Williams who was pronounced dead at the scene.

"I was slowing down but she wouldn't wait till I stopped," Williams said. "She thought the rapture was happening and was convinced that Jesus was gonna lift her up into the sky," he went on to say. "This is the strangest thing I've seen since I've been on the force," said Paul Madison, first officer on the scene.

Madison questioned the man who looked like Jesus and discovered that he was on his way to a toga costume party, when the tarp covering the bed of his pickup truck came loose and released twelve blow-up sex dolls filled with helium, which then floated up into the sky.

Ernie Jenkins, 32, of Fort Smith, who's been told by several of his friends that he looks like Jesus, pulled over and lifted his arms into the air in frustration and said "Come back," just as the Williams' car passed him, and Mrs. Williams was sure that it was Jesus lifting people up into heaven as they drove by him.

"I think my wife loved Jesus more than she loved me," the widower said when asked why his wife would do such a thing.

When asked for comments about the twelve sex dolls, Jenkins replied "This is all just too weird for me. I never expected anything like this to happen."

Well, I didn't know how I should react to this story.

At first I thought is was tragic because 13 people were injured in a twenty-car pile-up! It could have been worse. People might have gotten fucking killed! No, the fucking bimbo who got killed was not a person, she was only a flesh and blood, brain-washed and programmed living automaton.

I don't care about the stupid bitch who killed herself though, when she leaped from her vehicle. She got exactly what she fucking deserved just for being so fucking stupid!

She should be given the Annual Darwin Award!



Way to go, you stupid retarded bitch! You did real good! Another dumb fish taken out of the gene pool!

But I wouldn't feed her to the cat! Fish is brain-food and she obviously is not! But, She's now certainly worm-food!

Then I thought this story was funny because she thought that she was witnessing the rapture when the helium-filled inflatable sex dolls got loose and floated up in the air.

I laughed my big fat ass off when I read that part, but I'm also pissed off that 13 people were injured because of her own stupidity.

HEY BIMBO!!! Go and be fucking stupid somewhere else!

Well, she's nothing now! That's because she's DEAD!

But then, like all religious fanatical whack-jobs, she was already brain-dead.

Hey! Now I know how I can eliminate all of these stupid morons. I'll just stand on the shoulder of a busy freeway dressed up in a Jesus costume and raise my hands above my head while helium-filled sex dolls are released into the air.

But there is just one problem though.

Actually, two problems.

1.) I don't want to be the cause of any innocent people getting injured or perhaps even killed in a multi-car pile-up.

2.) I would not be able to pass for the Jesus anyway, because Jesus was probably taller than I am, and he didn't weigh no 400 pounds either.

Yeah, parts of the story was funny as all Hell, but I'm also really pissed off because other people were injured by her fucking stupidity, and I'm glad she's fucking DEAD!

Actually, in a way, I sort of wished that she didn't die. It might have been fun if she had lived, because then, after finding out that there was no rapture and no Jesus, it would have shown her just how embarrassingly fucking stupid she really is! She probably wouldn't want to go out of the house anymore after that! Either way, one more dumbo off the streets!

But when these potential Darwin Award Nominees get crippled up for life, or even killed because of their own stupidity, I'm gonna laugh my big fat ass off!

BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Q.) - What is it called when there is a large crowd of moronic religious fanatics walking the streets after sunset?

A.) - Night of The Living Brain-Dead!

Now, that would make a fucking good movie!

I think that Sarah Palin, John McCain, and Pat Robertson and all the rest of these TV evangelists, and all the fucking morons in the Republican Party should each audition for a part in that movie!

Yeah! Don't ya just love it!?!

Praise de Laud!!!

------------------------------

P S.

OK! This news article is not real.

It's just another one of those urban legends.

I just thought it was funny as all Hell.

[Indurrago]

fatman, I think that woman is the type that by tomorrow morning if she had survived would still go on to being a super-jesus loving christian not wrong with that until you become so warped that you can't tell the different between floating blow-up dolls and real human beings. Also that quote from the husband is quite depressing. "I think she loved Jesus more than me." Interestingly I wonder if anyone has asked this to Christian couples, Who's more important to them, Jesus or their very real spouse. And would they still want to go to heaven if they knew they're spouse was mostly likely not going there(i.e. has a different religion).

UPDATE!!!

Sadly after some internet searching I found out this was just a piece of satire. But the sad thing it really isn't that far out into the impossible.

http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/blrapture.htm

Comments: More proof that Internet satire can backfire on the satirist. This piece was originally authored by Elroy Willis, whose intent, he swears, was purely humorous. He published it on his tongue-in-cheek "Religion in the News" Web page on August 2, 2001. Since then it has circulated far and wide, sans byline, via forwarded email.

Willis says he went out of his way to attribute the story to the nonexistent "EAP" news service so as not to deceive anyone, but as you can see in the above variant, at least one anonymous emailer has changed it to read "AP" (Associated Press) to lend it an air of authenticity. Judging from the quizzical mail I've received so far, some people truly aren't sure whether to believe it or not.

For future reference, most theologians are rather firmly convinced that if and when Jesus does return, he's not likely to be driving a pickup truck.