Sports Fans are Morons

Sports fans are a special breed. I don't mean "special" as in "admirable" or "interesting" or even "remarkable." I mean special as in completely frickin' retarded. Surfers and golfers and pederasts and bowlers and all the other folks who are way too preoccupied by the things they do in their leisure time are a different breed - in that I'm convinced that you have to suffer from some sort of a genetic variance for the words "X isn't just a sport, it's a way of life" to come out of your mouth at all (especially when "X" isn't a real sport to begin with) -but when you're talking about people who don't do a damned thing with their leisure time except watch other people who are doing things that are only done because other people will pay to watch them, you're well out of "breed" and are pushing into "species" territory.

I'm pretty sure they have fewer chromosomes.

I even met one, quite by accident, who tried to convince me that sports fanaticism is some kind of political movement that would unite the working class from around the world against the corporate oligarchy. I was dumbstruck not by the profundity of that statement, but by the fact that he correctly pronounced "oligarchy" and was able to use it in a sentence, all the while being absolutely butt-ignorant on a much more practical level. Being an athletic supporter is the political equivalent of a bowel movement, and I don't see how making people in one town hate people two towns over just because they wear different colored sweatshirts and matching hats could breed any sort of global brotherhood of man, and at any rate it just pumps more capital into the so-called "oligarchy" when they pay $80 for a sweatshirt bearing the logo of a team owned by the very corporate stooge who got rich in the first place by exploiting the working class.

How do you like them bananas?

He told me exactly where I could stuff "them bananas" and went back to his beer, which is where I wished he had stayed in the first place, howling all the louder at the television at the end of the bar where one group of beefy idiots in colors that matched his sweatshirt (and hat) were getting creamed by the beefy idiots from two towns over. But glancing over his shoulder at the set, I realized he might be right. Fifty thousand howling mongoloids packed a stadium, one of a few hundred across the nation where games of one sort of another were going on - and probably a three-to-one bonus of people watching from bars and their homes and whatnot. If you think about it, this means that more people watch sports than vote in this country. If these same jar-heads knew as much about issues and candidates as they do about athletes and box scores, and if they put as much effort into things that actually had some effect on their lives as opposed to things that so obviously don't, things might be different.

...they'd be a whole lot worse.