Letters 2021

15 October 2021

Subject: There is no such thing as professional sports

If a guy like John William Henry II invests in Liverpool FC, it's certainly not because he believes in professional British Soccer. It's because he wants to be able to tell Liverpool FC to lose when the bookies want them to lose. It's because he wants to tell a Steven Gerrard to fake an infamously fatal slip against Chelsea if he wants to manage The Rangers as his career as a player comes to a close, while a Paul Scholes can barely 'manage' to make it beyond Oldham as his career as a player has come to a close.

I do not believe in 'professional' sports.

Jean Philippe Alexis.

12 September 2021

Subject: You Will Watch Sport or Else

Try living in England this summer, mates, it's like people have been forced to watch the Euros, the Olympics, Wimbledon, even piffling women's football matches, because it's supposed to be good for us. Don't get me wrong, some Olympic sports like skateboarding, BMX bikes and taekwondo are cool and different, but should I sit up into the middle of the night to see Joe Smith get his shooting bronze or face being executed for treason as I need some sleep.

And don't get me started on the f'ing Euros, a month of forced patriotism where even radio stations that play classical music were telling their listeners to ditch Haydn for Harry Kane and watch England or face the gulag. You know, these morons were in the final of their stupid tournament, the fans decided to riot outside, so I went for a walk as it was 75 degrees outside and it was a nice evening. Apparently half the country's population weren't interested, but the football Nazis made sure no dissent was allowed and non fans had to keep quiet.

Anyway the summer sports frenzy has abated and the lockdown has eased. So I need a drink, but my only two local options are bars with sports television and after seeing some balls being thrown and kicked around and the jukebox not being allowed, I think I'll stay in and help to bankrupt Sky Sports by not indirectly paying for their daily borefest.

Take care


12 June 2021

Subject: Last Year's Bollocks This Year

The one good thing about lockdown, over the last year-and-a-bit, is that there has been a lot less sports coverage on television. Perhaps the perpetrators of these silly games can now find themselves proper jobs? Still, for the last several months, s*ccer teams have played against one another on TV in empty stadia, but I can avoid such adolescent drivel easily with careful TV-viewing.

One considerable blessing has been that we did not have to endure the tyranny of propaganda for the olamepic games, last summer, because they were called off. I thought, perhaps they won't bother with the tiresome nonevent at all, until 2024? You might think, Stephen, can't you avoid this, as well, with similar tactical telly-watching? No, you can't. The hoopla invades many magazines, newspapers and websites that have nothing to do with sports. The banners would have been all over your favourite sites, box ads to the left and right, news reports and videos clogging otherwise innocent corners of the Internet. Adblock apps will keep most of the rabid rah-rah racket at bay, but not all. And for those of us who have to work, enthusiasts in the office would have been discussing some nerk scurrying along a track for Latvia, or some nonentity paddling from one end of the pool to t'other for Tierra Del Fuego. You can't get away from the bollocks. People buy into the media propaganda to the point at which they actually think that the whole thing has some sort of importance.

So, imagine my grim satisfaction when the games were cancelled, last Spring, and we were spared the childish apoplexy.

It was only about a week ago that I discovered, to my horror, that the olamepics will happen this summer, despite the sensible concerns about Covid 19. The organisers in Japan are insisting that it will go ahead - though I'm sure I'm not alone in detecting a certain hand-wringing desperation. "It'll be all right. No, really it will. No, honestly. We'll take precautions, really we will, we promise. Pinky promise. Please come."

There is still a lot that we, who have the sense to pay attention to better things, can do, to have a bullsh*t-free summer. The good Lord invented DVDs and Netflix for a reason. We can get out and about, now that lockdown restrictions have eased. We can get on with hobbies that flourished while we were at home last year. We can spend evenings and weekends with family and friends. And for heaven's sake, the games themselves only last for a fortnight - though of course the media madness builds during the weeks beforehand, which is what makes it seem like the thing lasts for a naffing eternity.

So, batten down the hatches, chaps, find some DVD boxed sets to watch, go on that drawing course you've been promising yourself, teach your little lad to ride a bike - even though he's twenty eight now. Together we can be the silent majority that the media can not reach. How wonderful it will be, that feeling that, by the time it's all over and the athletes are waggling their little medals at their parents, we have seen not one solitary second of the pointless piffle.


31 May 2021

Subject: I relate

I am a kid. I totally relate with all of your reason why sports are bad. I mean, I like playing some sports, but it's normally just for fun. Other people in my class are totally crazy about sports. They always say "Have you seen those Dockers play? They're mad!" And all I can think is "What is a Dockers?" And it's not just my classmates talk about sports. Even the teachers make comments like that. You know what? I think that sports are being treated like they're the best thing that you can do. But you know what? I think that sports should just be little side-activities to get your mind off the subjects, not a major part of your school years! I mean, seriously. The so-called "athletes" get treated like they're royalty. And the school is always putting in big celebrations about what? You guessed it. Sports! And they always last the whole day. You don't see the chess club get a whole day to themselves, do you? And the worst part is, academics don't even really matter in school. The school sends all the "athletes" to big competitions where other schools can compete to see who is way better at sports. And for the rest of us kids, all we can do is watch and see all the glory and praise that they're getting. Maybe I wouldn't even care but academics aren't getting the praise that they deserve. I mean, if you can put a ball through a hoop, you're the king of the playground. If you get a 100% on an exam, congratulations, nobody likes you anymore. Some people spend loads of time studying for school and getting straight As. But these people don't get the respect they deserve. In fact, those hard-working people actually get bullied by the "upper-class athletes" because they aren't like them. Also, how come there are inter-school sports carnivals, but not inter-school academic competitions? I mean, why not? What makes sports more important than academics. Also, I think your website could use a bit of updating. Just in web design, the other bits are good.

Sent from my iPad

4 April 2021

Subject: Finally!

I thought there would be no letters this year. Yes, I too, am still sick of sports, sports, sports and the obsessions of the yearly Stupor Bowl. The best part of this day is less traffic in the evening and less crowded stores. However, after the game ends, the fans of the winning team are driving around blaring their automobile horns like idiots. By that time, I'm home listening to some heavy metal on my stereo system to drown out the outside noise. So I guess I do enjoy Stupor Bowl Sunday, but in a unique way.


3 April 2021


Not sure how I stumbled onto this site but I'm here. Wow, you people really do exist. Sorry but you all are the weird ones. Just because you weren't athletic enough to play sports as a kid doesn't mean you have to try to insult those of us that enjoy sports and had positive experiences with it. Being a sports fan doesn't make someone a "dumb jock". Sports is in the very fabric of being an American. Or a native of any country, really. Sports is popular worldwide. Hate to break it to you but you aren't going to succeed in eradicating it. How about we eradicate you weirdo freaks instead?

By the way, it says you receive "hundreds of letters per year". Let's see, in 2019 there were 9 letters. In 2020 there were 3. This is the 2nd letter in 2021. Hundreds? I'd think a bunch of sports haters would be better at math...

Dan Noellsch

25 March 2021

Subject: Letter

Hi, I read your article about schools and high school sports and I 100% agree. In my school, about 98% of our funding goes to sports, and the other 2% goes to the sucky food. For example, when I was in elementary, I had music from the 4th grade and the issue was that the music teacher had to either have the instruments donated or bought them herself, not 1 cent from the school.

Best Wishes for your efforts,
Michael Smith